any tips on how i can make this paper better or any help with grammar would be greatly appreciated.
see belowVVV
Crash! I come flying through the front door and rush though my house destroying everything in my path. I finally find my mom in the kitchen, and with a voice shaking with excitement I tell her, "I want to join the army!" there was just something about it that drew me right in. the physical aspects, the camaraderie, the work ethic, the structure, but most importantly the honor and respect. Both my grandfather past away when I was relatively young and what from what stuck out in my head, that I remember when ever I think about them was the flag on their casket's. Needless to say my mom didn't see the same qualities I saw. She told me "Its to dangerous, no, not gona happen. Your such a smart boy cant you focus yourself to something less dangerous?" then she pulled the mom face that I'm not going to win this battle. She enrolled me the next day in every sport and school related activity you could think of to help me try to find something "less dangerous".
I could never decide on one particular activity. On any given day I was playing in a championship game and then rushing to an art class, changing out of my equipment in the car.
In high school, the battles of world war II and stories of the renaissance era intrigued me, but building models of building I designed excited me to go into architecture. When asked by my teach where do I see myself when in the future, one day I would be a pilot and the next I would be a physical therapist.
It has all lead to this moment. When I graduated high school, I had no idea which path to take. I had friends go near and far, to big schools and little schools, studying to be anything from pre law to journalism. All knowing where they wanted to go with life. I finally took the time to sit down and make the decisions about my future.
But it wasn't easy. Every career looked exciting in its own unique way. Law, History, Physical Therapy. They all took my interest in their own way.
I enrolled in classes at the local community college. Still not knowing what path to take with my future., I took a variety of classes searching for the one that I would have a passion for me. My mom always told me, " Work a job that you love and it will feel like you never worked a day in your life."
That's when everything changed, maybe I was just in the right place at the right time, but I discovered my passion. It was in my biology class, I've taken biology classes before, but this was different.
Even though it took me a few semesters I am ready to finish my education. Going to a four year university will allow me to earn my bachelor's degree, and with that degree I can attend medical school, which will lead me to the job of my dreams. The job that will feel like I never worked a day in my life.
???
Why have you written this essay? None of what you say for the first four paragraphs is at all relevant to why you want to transfer. I don't even know where you are transferring from, much less why. The only reason you hint at towards the end is that you think going to university will be better for your career, which is probably true, but which hardly needs an essay to express the idea. Also:
The job that will feel like I never worked a day in my life.
Not gonna happen. Certainly not gonna happen in medicine. You may take great satisfaction from your work, but you're going to feel it.
