I chose the topic about an important experience. Thank you in advance for any suggestion :)
"What? Are you crazy?" "At least you can't do that before the exams!" "No parents at all?" A month before the really important High School Entrance Exams, I was fourteen. As the youngest student in my class, facing doubtful and reproachable voices coming from some classmates, their parents, and teachers, I almost gave up on the idea I had proposed. Getting my beloved friends together for a graduation trip to celebrate the end of this important stage had always been my dream.
With some close friends' support, I began to secretly prepare for the trip because our teachers would have opposed the idea if they had learned about it. Since I had to conduct some small surveys to gain consensus regarding the details, our secret was eventually discovered by the teachers. They came to confront me, hoping to persuade me not to waste time on things irrelevant to the exams and not to distract my classmates from their intense preparation. I spent one entire morning attempting to convince them. Being moved by my sincere motivation, thoughtful plans, and serious promise of not disturbing anyone, they agreed to let us go.
Unfortunately, a series of problems arose. The travel agency I used required an adult guarantor for our safety; while most parents were reluctant to bear the responsibility, luckily my father was willing to assist me. Twenty-five classmates participated, but it was hard to get their agreement with the travel route, which had to be discussed again and again. And the dietary restrictions of certain minority ethnic groups needed to be considered when I ordered meals. Also, I was worried about how to ensure everyone's safety in a strange city for five days. A winter camp experience reminded me of the efficiency of delegation, so I divided my classmates into several groups and assigned captains, whose duty was to help solve problems for their groups or report to me if they couldn't figure something out. Meanwhile I still focused on my studies, seizing every chance to memorize one more vocabulary word, because I knew I had to efficiently manage my time in order to both accomplish the travel plans and keep my grades up.
As I stood at Beijing Airport gate after the four-hour flight, it was all familiar since I had been there three times. Yet it was definitely the most exhilarating one because of the excitement from my classmates around me. The time passed quickly as good times always do, and everyone had so much fun. Although I was preoccupied with various trivialities such as counting people before and after every event, I still felt completely satisfied and enjoyed because I knew my efforts made it happen.
This life-changing experience empowered me and taught me the value of detailed preparation. My organization and administration skills were applauded by people who doubted me. Since then, whenever there was an accident, my classmates always turned to me for help because they thought I was capable--in fact, I was just well-prepared.
"guarantor" is not a word. rephrase that sentence.
also, i agree with theblues. you need a much stronger last paragraph. it needs to explain what you learned from the situation. if you want to make the essay more interesting, try showing how you changed rather than just saying you did if that makes sense. did you gain a sense of confidence in yourself? did others trust you?
you have to remember the experience doesn't really matter to the college. it's more about how it impacted you as a person. they don't care about the anecdotes/stories as much as they do what kind of person the applicant is because of the experience.
