Credible college + earning a meaningful degree - Purdue Undergrad Essay

Describe how your Purdue education would support the attainment of your personal and/or professional goals. (250-1000 words)

It has always been my goal to attend a credible college and earn a meaningful degree. Neither of my parents earned any type of degree and say that they regret not obtaining at least an associate's degree. They have attended some college courses that were meaningful to their careers though. Although my mom earnings as part of a union are very good for the area in which I live, many foresee the demise ...

Purdue is a very good school and I congradulate you!
However, your essay needs serious work in order to be recognized.
Your essay should be tasteful and interesting. Embellish it with adjectives and wind it together as if it was a story. Admission officers will not want to sit through an essay that they find uninteresting, and if they do, that will definitely effect your chances of getting it!

You sound hardworking, but you do not focus on one thought. Don't just "say" it, let the reader "see" it. Jumping from one point or another willl not get you a good review. Focus on one or two MAIN ideas and work it into something thought provoking.

Lets work this out step by step: ( I will give examples from my college essays)
Introducton- instead of jumping in and saying yoru goal straight up, tell them the story first.
Start with the hook! ("The storm surge caused the whole southern region to black out) The reader is wondering what on earth happened to you !"

Then embellish ("The hurricane took the people by surprise. The only comfort was my family near, but still, constant fear ached in my core. ") Now it makes more sense.

Then give the goal/main idea of your story. ("Throughout my experience during Katrina, I found out more about myself then I would have otherwise. ")

Its more interesting is it not?

I'm already seeing many things you can embellish on your essay. Talk on why Union's future is in demise? What reason's did your parents have for not attending college?

What reason's are you motivated to attend college?
A great idea would be to talk about that moment in time you knew you wanted to go to college.
*** Remember this essay is about what the colleges seeing the reader, so let them see you ! They don't want to know about themselves.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!!!! I DECIDED TO REWRITE THE WHOLE ESSAY OVER AGAIN!!

Describe how your Purdue education would support the attainment of your personal and/or professional goals. (250-1000 words)
Many years ago, I was told by my grandfather that college would be a necessity by the time I graduated high school. He was correct and as the years have went on since he said this to me, his notion has become very true. Even though he has since passed on, it is my goal to do as he instructed. My two main goals are to earn a college degree and go to a college with a good reputation for educating their students thoroughly.

At the start of high school, I was unsure what I wanted to do with my life after graduation. I was even talking about not going to college at all. As my high school career continued I realized that I needed to listen to the advice that was given to me many years ago and plan on getting a college education. It has been quite a struggle for me choosing where to apply to and what type of degree I want to receive.

Coming from a family where neither my mom nor dad have a college degree makes it harder in some aspects. My parents have never gone through the steps that are now necessary to achieve the college dream. Although they have helped some, I have relied on a few teachers at the school who I have become close to over the four years that I have attended high school. These teachers have obviously attended college at sometime during their life because they have their teacher's license. Even though I do not want to be a teacher, they still prove me with help about what all I need to do to assure that my college career starts out smoothly. They have told me that I should go where I want to go and be what I want to be.

I have visited several colleges in the past few years. Most students around me will go to Ball State because it is close to their homes and convenient. I want to be one of the students who break that mold. I feel that I want to be different and that I also do not like the Ball State campus and various other things about it. When I visited Purdue a few months ago I felt that I understood why and where the different buildings were located. Although it is a big campus, I feel that I could receive a better education at Purdue versus other colleges in the area.

Since I was a little kid, I have been a huge Purdue sports fan. It has always been my dream to attend Purdue and be a part of all the different activities that go along with the sporting events. Also, I see from my visit that attending Purdue offers more diversity in the race and religion of its students. The opportunity to attend Purdue excites me because I am always open to learning new facts.

This sentence should specify what field you want to enter and what your specialization might be. even if you are not sure, or if it might change, give an idea about what you might become an expert in.

At the start of high school, I was unsure what I wanted to do with my life after graduation. ---- this is not a good sentence to use to begin a paragraph.

It has been quite a struggle for me choosing where to apply to and what type of degree I want to receive. -- this is bad, too. Why include these confessions? I don't like this paragraph.

Coming from a family where neither ... four years that I have attended high school. --- what is all this? You write very well, but I think you are not writing about the best topics. Write about this:

how your Purdue education would support the attainment of your personal and/or professional goals

Good news: you are a good writer
Bad news: this whole essay needs to be rewritten so that it tells about your specific goals and the ways the profs, resources, and program at this school will help you achieve your goals.