"Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better."
Dear Roomie,
Don't be creeped out. I know I seem disinterested and emotionless because of my habitual blank stare. I know my complexion screams deficiency of vitamin d, but I want you to know that I actually do have many interests and am not a walking vegetable. Despite that I am a Texan, I do not own a gun. Nor have I ever raised my own pony. Quite the contrary, my source of transportation is my lovable long board. Her name is Bella. I enjoy being outdoors, but not for the sun. Instead, the headlights and streetlamps are the carbon of my soda, the bass of house music, etc . In terms of my belongings, you can use my make-up, only because I don't have any. You can also share my food, because I find eating quite boring. But other than that, what's yours is mine, what's mine is my own, and what's left over, we share. If you need a spark, I have the match. I enjoy random outings, so don't be surprised when I invite you to eat with me at some vegan, Hindu joint.
Now let me introduce you to the nitty gritty part of my personality. It's not that tumblr quote, "My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are." I call that disingenuous. I don't talk much. But I'm not completely mute either. I don't understand the concept of treating someone as his or her own diary. "9:37 PM, Brian looked my direction." But if you want to broach a topic about nature's evolution of hybrid sharks, or the new car that Apple invented without any windows, I'll respond with my comments, whether they hint at sarcasm or plain frankness. I tend to rely on anyone but myself to start a conversation, but I do know how to keep it going, whether it may digress or not.
So, I look forward to meeting you. Making friends has always been a bizarre experience, and it still is . So be ready for a stream of questions. Don't worry, I won't bore you. At all.
Your dear Roomie,
Hena Lee
OKAY NOW BE FRANK :)
I liked this!
Maybe focus a TINY bit more on the positives? The beginning focused a lot on how you're blank and 'a vegetable,' so that leaves a bit of a lasting impression.
It's not THE tumblr quote, "My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are."
Try to make your personality a tiny bit more exciting. Seeming a little too anti - social.
Whew~ Thanks!
I like some of the statements in your "letter" that make me LOL a little in my head ie, "you can use my make-up, only because I don't have any" and "9:37 PM, Brian looked my direction." These statements make your essay seem informal to fit the "letter" format, and it grabs the reader's attention.
However, one thing that stuck out to me was "what's yours is mine, what's mine is my own, and what's left over, we share." This makes you seem like you're somewhat possessive, but you're willing to take other people's things (with little in return since the only things you seem to be able to share is your [nonexistant] makeup and food [which I assume would not be in a large amount since you find eating boring]).
Also, please take my response with a grain of salt because I don't really know what Stanford is looking for in this essay.
I hope this all made sense...
Hehe thanks I actually revised the essay a tad bit :)
".. what's mine is yours, what's mine is my own, and what's left over, we share."
Is that better? Please correct me generously!
I like it, its funny lol it showed personality! Read mine Please...be honest i don't mind
fun letter!
minor note, i don't know if it's best to talk about the texan gun thing, seems very stereotypical
I genuinely enjoyed reading your response, you have a very strong voice in your work.
Like mzontario said, I would add more positive aspects about your personality at the beginning :)
Well if you say "what's mine is yours" then you allow your roommate to take anything of yours and there wouldn't be anything left over. I think it's a weird sentence, so you can try omitting it and see how it sounds. What does everyone else think?
