UC Essay #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I crawl out of bed, pour a glass of orange juice, and pour out my pills. It became a routine, I didn't even think about taking the pills. I look down, and there are 7 pills before me. Then I start to laugh, I'm 16 years old and popping pills like a 70 year old. That's one thing I like about myself, I always had a little humility.
I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease November 30, 2006. It is a chronic inflammatory disease of the intestines. Also referred to as Inflammatory Bowel Disease, the entire digestive system is affected. Symptoms include abdominal pain, diarrhea, and rectal bleeding. It's been almost two years since I was diagnosed with Crohn's, but I have been dealing with stomach problems since middle school. I was embarrassed to tell anyone about it, even my parents. As a teenager I thought I could handle things on my own, but sometimes you have to ask for help. After a long period of time struggling with pain and numerous trips to the bathroom, I finally went to see the doctor. Although it may have seemed easy, admitting you have a problem is a hard thing to do. I learned the day I went to the doctor that asking for help is sometimes a necessity. Test after test was preformed, until ultimately a colonoscopy showed I had Crohn's disease.
I have learned a lot about myself and my life from Crohn's disease. With Crohn's disease, you can be normal for three months and all of a sudden be in pain. I have learned not to take things for granted, even if it is normal bowel movements. Acceptance is another value that living with Crohn's has taught me. I can remember my first visit with my gastroenterologist. She asked me what my biggest fear of having Crohn's disease was. I responded, "I'm afraid I will have to live with this disease for the rest of my life." She didn't reply. Even after I was diagnosed, I thought they would give me some pills and my troubles would cease. Little did I know, there is no cure for Crohn's disease and I could very well live with it for the rest of my life. Over time, I gradually accepted the fact that I had to deal with this chronic illness. I learned not only of acceptance of my disease, but acceptance of others. Few people can tell that I am living with a severe disease. I now understand that others may have problems that I do not know about, and I should accept everyone. Perseverance is something I am continually learning while living with Crohn's. There will be tough times in your life; times when you want to give up. One night I recall asking God why I had to live with this disease. Now I get up and know that no matter how much pain I'm in, everything will turn out ok. Without Crohn's, I would never know the true meaning of overcoming hardship.
I am proud that I have lived and persevered with Crohn's disease. Two of the most important things I have discovered are acceptance and the power of admitting your problems. I have struggled with the disease; I know what its like to fight through hard times. Crohn's has shown me a new way to look at life.
Good evening :)
As you didn't explain what type of assistance you were seeking, I have edited the first section and then made some general comments in regards to the remainder of the piece:
"I crawl out of bed, pour a glass of orange juice, and pour out my pills. It became a routine; I didn'tAvoid contractions in formal academic writing. even think about taking the pills. I look down,You have now switched from present to past back to present tense again; choose one tense and then stick with it throughout your piece. and there are 7The general rule regarding numbers is that if it is between one and ten, go ahead and spell it out; if it is 11 or more, it is acceptable to use the numerals. pills before me. Then I start to laugh;I'm 16 years old and popping pills like a 70 year old. That's one thing I like about myself; I always had a little humility."
Make sure you are using appropriate linking verbs and article adjectives such as "are," "is," and "the." They are the "glue" that holds your sentence structure together.
Avoid using the pronoun "you" in formal academic writing; try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.
In regards to content, this is a great response to the prompt. Your example is relevant to it, and you link it to the prompt well. Perhaps you could discuss how this makes you feel "proud"; perhaps that through this your acceptance of others is increased. Other than that, I think it's a great essay!
Regards,
Gloria
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