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'crutial moment to take the right decision' - essay to apply to Ritsumeikan APU in Japan

Airborne Ranger 1 / 2 1  
Aug 11, 2014   #1
Hi. I am interested to apply to Ritsumeikan APU and have written the following essay. Please check for any mistakes or improvement suggestions. Thank you.

1. Please write the reason(s) why you wish to attend APU and how you intend to approach your studies within your choice of college (APM/APS)

I am standing at a crunch of the highway of my life-one of the first crunches to be exact. This is a crucial moment for me; a moment to take the right decision. A right decision will uplift me through the social chain to ultimate success. Reciprocally, a wrong decision would dump me into the social garbage. When I am in a fix about what to do- the name of Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University appears before me.

Japan always brings me the story of the Samurai, the lost culture, the tradition as shown in the film The Last Samurai. I was amazed at the simple yet hardworking lifestyle of the Japanese, their patience, morals, ethics and values. I happen to hail from a family in a country in the same continent, which holds similar lifestyle integrated with personal values. Naturally, I happen to favour Japan.

No wonder the Japanese is a wonderful race- flourishing with tradition from the past and technology of the future in their beautiful archipelago. Upholding her history, tradition and culture, Japan is bringing science fiction in reality. In addition, literally Japan is reigning over the world market. Just in our household, including our family sedan, 90% of total electronic devices are from Japan. Hearing about APU, I immediately decided to apply for it- see these people from close by myself; experience a new way of life.

First, I came across the name of Ritsumeikan from Macesbd, the official representative of the institution in my country. Hearing about it, immediately I knew this is it- this is which I was longing for. Not only about the university, but also the country. Knowing about the Japanese way of honour and respect, and their disciplined lifestyle, I know this is the country I can adopt myself in most.

Later, when I swept through the official webpage of the university, I felt like an inner instinct saying, this is it! This is the university I dreamt to study in! The humble scenic beauty the university and its neighboring hamlets have to offer is a plus point of course, but what attracted me the most is the excellent performance of the university in molding its students into the best-qualified professionals one can ever dream of.

Studying in Ritsumeikan would not only teach me some paper pushing, rather it will bring out the inner qualities of me. The bilingual university made it mandatory for its students to learn Japanese. Learning a new language is always a challenge and fun. Moreover, I am always a challenge-loving youngster and this is indeed a challenge!

I surfed through the student reviews, and was flabbergasted at their wows! Students seemed really happy and satisfied to study in Ritsumeikan and were highly optimistic and confident that the skills they developed from Ritsumeikan will surely help them to gallop through their career path. Now who would not want to do so? If I have to work hard for a good career, so be it!

I happen to love adventure and undertake extracurricular responsibilities, and I came to know about the different clubs Ritsumeikan has to offer. The club activities of Ritsumeikan are amazing! It has a lot extracurricular skills to offer to the students. Such activities help to develop one's personality as well as his general skills and knowledge, all together preparing heavily for a better career success.

With the wide concept of globalization comes expansion of commerce. New businesses are booming, worldwide barters have opened a new job sector with wider opportunities to flourish one's career. Under such circumstance, to study BBA would be the smartest idea and career goal. Achieving success through commerce persuaded me to opt for studying BBA. Moreover, I happen to be an outgoing ambitious man and I love to present myself, to speak in front of people. Studying BBA would help me to undertake these responsibilities in a professional manner.
ironhand 6 / 18  
Aug 11, 2014   #2
Hi. Unfortunately, English is not my first language, so I will not comment grammar. But I have few comments about essay by itself:
1) Paragraph about "lost Samurai culture" sounds like flattery. Moreover, samurai politics brought great harm to Japan in the XX century, so admissions officer is unlikely to appreciate your admiration for samurai.

2) Your admiration for Japanese lifestyle is understandable, but, as I know, admission to Japanese universities is extremely competitive, so I can advise to tell not only about things that you can acquire from studying in Japan, but also about things that you can bring to Ritsumeikan (a bit of self-advertisement won't harm).

In genereal, the essay looks well, but it still needs some editing. I hope I wasn't too harsh and good luck with Ritsumeikan.
OP Airborne Ranger 1 / 2 1  
Aug 11, 2014   #3
Thanks a lot for your suggestions. Really appreciated it and trying to edit as per your advice.

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