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The Cuban miracle (surprising art/science/literature essay)


jincera1 2 / 11 3  
Nov 6, 2012   #1
What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

Listening to the Cuban trumpet and bongos, as the voice of Cuban singer Celia Cruz echoed the lyrics to her world famous song "Carnaval", reminded me of a gruesome story my grandpa once told me at a young age. As I listened to the essential meaning of the song in spanish, asserting that life was unfair at times but we must live through it, produced a flashback to my adolescence. My memory was shady at times, but I remembered the time my grandpa told me he fled Cuba during the Communist regime, leaving everything behind including his family. He endured a troublesome journey, relocating to Miami with nothing. As the bongos and trumpets continued to play, and as the tears held up in my eyes, I continued to relive the account of my grandpa. He arrived in Miami with the world in front of him but with no money, family or shelter. But as a true Hispanic knows, an opportunity can lead to many open doors. He worked tirelessly from his arrival and wound up at a prestigious job. At the sound of Celia Cruz's voice, I tremble at the onset with memories and flashbacks of my grandpa's gruesome struggle to stay alive on his journey to reach the American dream. I am constantly reminded that life is at times unfair, but we must move past these trying times and learn valuable lessons which can bring good fortune upon each of us.
viridianforest 1 / 6 2  
Nov 6, 2012   #2
I really like how you related Celia Cruz's song to your grandfather. It's quite awesome :D
I also really liked the brilliant usage of some of your verbs and adjectives. They were pretty darn compelling.

Listening to the Cuban trumpet and bongos(what are the bongos and trumpets doing?) , as the voice of Cuban singer Celia Cruz echoed the lyrics to her world famous song "Carnaval", reminded me of a gruesome story my grandpa once told me at a young age.(it's unclear whether your grandpa was young or you were young. hohoho.) As I listened to the essential meaning of the song in spanish (capitalize dat.) , asserting that life was unfair at times but we must live through it, produced a flashback to my adolescence. (This sentence is a little awkward. This is a random suggestion -> "As I listened to Celia Cruz's lament about how life was unfair at times, but we must live through it, it produced a flashback to my adolescence." semicolons are the fancy feast of grammar imo) My memory was shady (nice. I love the way shady is used xD at times, but I remembered the time my grandpa told me he fled Cuba during the Communist regime, (Really awesome sentence. But I feel that the fact that he left everything behind may deserve another sentence. like "he left everything behind, including his family. leaving everything behind including his family. He endured a troublesome ("troublesome" discredits some of the hardships. what about "painful" or something more...rawr?)) journey, relocating (becoming a refugee in Miami maybe? eitherway, relocating also discredits his hardships a little) to Miami with nothing (but the clothes on his back! XD jk.) . As the bongos and trumpets continued to play, and as the tears held up in my eyes (brilliant) , I continued to relive the account of my grandpa. He arrived in Miami with the world in front of him but with no money, family or shelter.(cliches are awesome and fun but they detract from the meaning sometimes. Random suggestion ->"He arrived in Miami with the whole world in front of him but no money, family, or home to support him.) But as a true Hispanic knows, an opportunity can lead to many open doors. (where does this come from :D? it doesn't really relate) He worked tirelessly from his arrival and "and his work paid off, with him winding up working a prestigious job. Maybe you could specify jobs ex. "I started as a janitor and now I am the CEO of Fancy Feast") wound up at a prestigious job. At the sound of Celia Cruz's voice, I tremble at the onset with memories and flashbacks of my grandpa's gruesome (already used this adjective) struggle to stay alive on his journey to reach the American dream. I am constantly reminded that life is at times unfair, but we must move past these trying times and learn valuable lessons which can bring good fortune upon each of us. nice!

Please don't kill me. I know I sound really mean sometimes ._. But I'm just trying to be constructively critical >_<
Sorry! And well written! I love the flow~
OP jincera1 2 / 11 3  
Nov 6, 2012   #3
Thank you! Yea it was just a rough draft to see reaction
viridianforest 1 / 6 2  
Nov 8, 2012   #4
I really like it :DD

As I listened to Celia Cruz's lament about how life was unfair at times, but we must live through it, produced a flashback to my adolescence.

Is still a little grammatically awkward though, you need to have something to produce your flashback, (like a time machine). ex. As I listened to Celia Cruz's lament (etc. etc.), the beautiful song produced a flashback to my adolescence.

Or something. xD
and
typical tunes
sounds a little awkward >_< i think it's the typical part. maybe. this isn't really a big deal adsfda;';
OP jincera1 2 / 11 3  
Nov 10, 2012   #5
Would you mind looking at my other essay? Pleaseee XD
OP jincera1 2 / 11 3  
Nov 12, 2012   #6
Anyone else want to critique please


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