Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


UW Essay. Cultural history to educational goals


xtine324 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
I don't know if this explicitly answers the prompt. Critique is welcome!

Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals. (500-650 words)

Cultural and family experiences shape a person's thinking and their dreams. Coming from a strict Asian family definitely has had an impact on my life. The differences between American and Asian culture are vast and have made me realize the importance of my family and my culture. I have become an extremely competitive and goal-driven individual that values leading a meaningful life.

Starting from when I was not even four years old, I was enrolled in many sports and activities: Swim lessons, tennis lessons, 'hot sport' summer camps, and piano lessons. I was able to explore all the different options in the world as a young child. My parents hoped that by providing me with all these different experiences, I would find a passion and pursue that passion. As time continued, I became aware of my strengths; I was extremely organized and managed stressful situations calmly. I enjoyed the competition of sports and the independence and focus of playing an instrument. However, during the early teenage period, I felt that my parents were pushing me too hard, always telling me to practice piano, to study more, or to work harder at tennis practice. I felt that I would never be good enough, and soon became resentful of all the activities I was involved in. The Asian culture strives for pride and my parents definitely showed the same characteristics. Juggling school, piano, and tennis made me constantly busy but my parents would not give up. They would disappointedly remark, "Well, you can quit piano and tennis if you want, it is your choice..." I felt that I could not let them down and kept striving to be the best I could be.

High school approached and every activity became more intense and more demanding. Participating in the most challenging high school International Baccalaureate program, playing piano, playing tennis, and swimming during the high school season was becoming increasingly difficult. However, my competitiveness and organization skills worked together and I strived to do the best I could. My parents advocated getting the best grades so I could further my education at a prestigious school. I felt that my ultimate goal was to get into a 'good' college and worked hard in doing everything I could. However, I began to realize that I did not have a dream or a specific goal I wanted to achieve. Feeling pressured by my parents to know exactly my plan after high school, I began searching online about careers and fields to major in. Luckily, having many activities brought me closer to the community around me. Not only was I able to connect with many others, but I was able to discuss my goals and passions to people with different perspectives. I soon learned about the pharmaceutical field, and it seemed like the perfect career for me. I had always endured the most rigorous of schoolwork; and pharmacy school was an option that I could see myself doing. As for my other activities, I had researched the music field and what is required to minor in music. I felt that although music is an important part of my life, I wanted to focus upon subjects more logic and scientific based.

My family culture has definitely helped me in recognizing my passions. I have felt enormously lucky for being able to explore the options in the world at a young age and pursue a pathway that would most likely bring me the most amount of happiness. The competitiveness of Asian parents illustrated to me that I have to work hard to get what I want. My educational goals reflect the pushing and competitiveness of my culture, not only do I want to become a pharmacist; I want to be the best pharmacist I can be by receiving the utmost education.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 27, 2009   #2
That first sentence is a statement of the obvious... not very exciting.

The last sentence of the first para is pretty general, and it does not seem to go with the rest of the paragraph. You should write that first paragraph as an explanation of a specific way in which your "family's experience or cultural history enriched you or presented you with opportunities or challenges in pursuing your educational goals." You have to name the opportunity or challenge and name the circumstance that caused it.

Know what I mean? After naming it in the first paragraph, describe it in the following paragraphs. Name the circumstance or the challenge/opportunity in every topic sentence (the first sentence of every paragraph.)

Hey, I noticed that your last paragraph might make an excellent first paragraph!!


Home / Undergraduate / UW Essay. Cultural history to educational goals
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳