My problem with this essay is that I'm not sure if it answers the prompt properly. Is it too general?
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Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)
As I sway to the rhythm of the sitars and Indian drums, the music changes to a much faster rock beat that I heard on the radio just this morning. Attempting to break dance (badly) is even more difficult in my embroidered Indian suit, comprised of a long dress called a kurta with pants underneath. At the end of this Indian-American party, I will return to my Indian-American home, where I live a life filled with the cultural wonders of India in American surroundings.
Living with two different cultures can be difficult. Often I have to weigh my Indian values against my American life. However, the cultural diversity in my life has made me a very open and accepting person, as well as one who values variety in life. This love for variety has given me a wish for a varied education, one that does not focus solely on biology. Rather, I enjoy interdisciplinary learning, especially when it incorporates sciences into the wider backdrop of current world affairs. Solving the world's problems today, such as disease, requires a broad education, and the world I come from has given me the wish to pursue such a course of action.
Though creating cures of wide-spread diseases require extensive biological knowledge, it cannot be done without knowledge of the anthropological origins of the disease and its spread. My Indian family and American life have given me this understanding, as well as the desire to follow through with this goal.
It's very well written and it's certainly not a bad essay. But I'm sure you know that many people with your background is also applying to MIT. What makes you stand out?
I faced a similar issue when I was writing my MIT essay. I want to genuinely describe the world where I come from, but those topics are too hackneyed and they don't give me a chance to stand out. So instead, I focused on a tiny event in my life that eventually became the blossoming point. But anyways, it's up to you. Good luck!
Though creating cures of wide-spread diseases require extensive biological knowledge, it cannot be done without knowledge of the anthropological origins of the disease and its spread.[This may not be the best example. Sounds a little awkward. How about "the essencial of diversity is bringing open-mindedness and critical thinking ability, and that I believe is essential for biology as well"? Because from my research on American college education and comparsion with chinese education, I believe chinese stress knowledge itself(like anthropological orgins of the disease) while American like teaching people critical thinking skills] My Indian family and American life have given me this understanding, as well as the desire to follow through with this goal.
Hope this helps...and please take a look at my essays as well XD
