EXPLAIN HOW YOUR CULTURE OR ENVIRONMENT INFLUENCED WHO YOU ARE TODAY
Life as I knew growing up, affected me in ways I hadn't realized until my older years. An English teacher once told me, to be a great writer-or at least appear as one-write what you know, this is what I know.
At age twelve, my parents divorced and I was raised without a stable mother figure. My mother and sister were forced to move to Florida for financial reasons; my father consumed into his work as always, leaving my eighteen year old sister to raise my older brother and I. Our situation converted so brutally and abruptly, it wasn't evident to us as to how this living arrangement could potentially destroy a child's intellect and conformity-especially mine.
Before our family dispersed, my mother most valued her children's education. We all attended private school at some of Dallas' most prestigious institutes.
My brother was your average student: got into trouble quite often for missing homework assignments, projects, etc. On the contrary, he was quite the athlete. He now currently attends the University of Tampa on a full ride. As for me, I was the scholar-- the smartest one. I was exceedingly structured and well-behaved. I was the perfectionist. Within two years of the divorce, my existing schema slowly weakened: my grades weren't what they used to be (in addition, no one was checking them) and my focus fell dramatically. I'd become lazy and unwilling. My sole conflict: I was in a living arrangement with no structure, no initial guidance, nor regulation.
My sister was pregnant during my parents' divorce and worked mediocre jobs while attending beauty school. She did lots to help her two younger siblings continue through school and extracurricular activities. I knew my sister had a plate full, so after my nephew was born; I often assisted her with motherly duties. Unfortunately, my sister began to feel "comfortable" with the idea of a live-in babysitter. I babysat so persistently, she and I began to think he was my actual responsibility. Our house was unkempt for the most part, and all the responsibilities were left on me--since I was the youngest girl. My relationship with my sister and father became fairly hectic: one thing after another. I hated my life and who I had become.
Today is better, but not much has changed. I've matured and grown wiser over the years and have taken responsibility for my actions, no excuses. I keep things between family members cordial to avoid further confrontation and havoc. However, I still have responsibilities with care for my nephew as well as independent work around the house. As for school, beginning my junior year, I'd increased my extracurricular activities as well as my recurring in advanced classes. I'm not receiving a lot of help applying for college nor financial assistance, but it will not detain me. I refuse to accept failure and return home without a degree or without financial stability (I've had enough instability in my life already). I will not depend on other people and I won't make any excuses based on my situation. I will do whatever I have to do to succeed because in the end, it's all up to me to make something of myself.
Very moving essay. I feel for you :-(
That said, you need to work harder on your conclusion about how you have changed because of your circumstances. Rather than focussing on the negative, I would suggest you write about how you matured, how you faced up to your situation in life and tried to make either the best of it, or tried to get out of it.
Hope you get into university. All the very best!
Jerrelynn,
I feel for you greatly, for I have recently been going through many of the same situations you have. According to what Gazala has said, the essay does seem a bit negative. Granted, I know the whole situation is lacking a positive aura at the least, and to be honest, my college essays are around the same topic.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you want it to be a "happier ending", because from what I have learned in life is that you can do everything right, but the one wrong thing you do, everyone will focus on and remember. If you end focusing on the negative, the reader of the essay who will admit you will think that you generally carry yourself negatively when brought upon a negative situation.
If I am wrong, please correct me, but I will agree with Gazala by saying this; explain at least one major noticeable action or situation you have done or been through from the experience to acquire more maturity.
All the best. I hope you get in! I'm applying to UM as well, we might get to see each other.
Sincerely,
Anthony Dardano
THANKS TO THE BOTH OF YOU. AND I DO AGREE AFTER READING OVER IT, THAT IT NEEDS A BIT OF "LIGHT" IN THE ENDING. I WASN'T MEANING TO SOUND NEGATIVE OR ANYTHING, I JUST ASSUMED THAT BY ME APPLYING FOR COLLEGE, IT WAS EVIDENT THAT I WAS TRYING TO GET OUT OF MY CURRENT ELEMENT AND MAKE THE BEST OF ME--NOT LETTING ANYTHING STOP ME. BUT I WILL TAKE ON YOUR SUGGESTIONS...UNFORTUNATELY I'VE ALREADY SUBMITTED MY APPLICATION FOR THE SPRING SEMESTER...HOPEFULLY I AM ADMITTED AND LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU!
