"Culture is my passion + Mexico City" - university of Denver

i need opinion.please help me

Culture is my passion, because it describes who I truly am. Whenever a person starts talking about culture I will get into it, since I know exactly how they feel. I have a friend who is from Mexico City we have so many things in common, and I just find it amazing how I can relate to her.

I go to Mexico twice a year thanks to my parents efforts. If it wasn't for them my mentality of my culture and traditions would be completely different. I try informing myself about Mexico, and try obtaining more useful information of where i come from.

Due to the knowledge I have. When I finally have a successful living I would like to go back to my mom's town and help the needy, because unfortunately not everyone has the same fortune as me. Kids younger than ten work to earn money and finally get frustrated. Some decide to cross the border by thinking that the United States offers more possibilities. I want to make the change, I want them to grow hope inside of them

I want to make a small but significant change.Various people critic my dreams of helping others, but it's my passion and no can take them away

As a teenager one of my goal is to make others understand that traditions and cultures is something you are born with, and no one can take that privilege away from you.

What is the prompt? it is hard for me to edit for content, but i will go ahead with grammar and mechanics

maybe replace "I will get into it" with something a little less slangy.. maybe "I grow enthused"

Where did the "due to the knowledge i have" come from?? consider removing or elaborating.

"critique" not "critic"

I LOVE the final sentence!!

I have a friend who is from Mexico City we have so many things in common, and I just find it amazing how I can relate to her.---- put a period after City and start a new sentence!

I have a friend who is from Mexico City. We have so many things in common, and I just find it amazing how I can relate to her. ( I think you should add a thesis statement here at the end of this first paragraph).

Use an apostrophe
parents' efforts.

I want to make a small but significant change. Various people criticize my dream of helping others, but it's my passion, and no can take it away.

As a teenager one of my goal is to make others understand that traditions and cultures are things you are born with, and no one can take that privilege away from you.--- you said "no one can take it away" about 2 different things. It is repetitive, so I think you should say something different at the end. :-)

This is a cool essay. I just hope you can look at it and figure out what is the most important message and write a little bit about that main idea in the conclusion paragraph.