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'the cultures and traditions that co-exist with mine' - short essay on why I chose NYU


polythurene 1 / 2 1  
Jul 29, 2018   #1
hello!
this is my rough draft for the short essay 'why NYU', any feedback is appreciated

a constellation of hope nurturing brilliant stars



Education, in my opinion, is a subjective experience. You can make learning from laughter, pain, science or space and restricting yourself to a particular field without having the opportunity to experience different disciplines seems almost malevolent to me; which is why a liberal arts program is perfect.

Its multifarious courses allow for a wholesome development, enriching the required skills for the fast-paced world we live in. Taking NYU's study away program, for example, would allow me to wholly immerse myself in a completely foreign culture and adapt to their surroundings.

Moreover, NYUAD's diverse student body of more than 88 nationalities will open my mind and heart to the cultures and traditions that co-exist with mine; this is where diversity converges into unity.

NYUAD challenges students to evolve their thinking pattern to foster curiosity, creativity and critical reflection, this was evident when I leafed through past capstone projects of the various disciplines NYUAD accommodates. I was awe-struck at the immense learning possibilities NYUAD provides, and it doesn't end there. Learning at NYUAD as I have seen, is not limited to the end of the final year capstone project, it happens throughout every moment of the four years spent through discussions in tight-knit classrooms, outdoor activities involving teamwork and co-ordination, volunteer workshops such as GEN and SNAP and so on. Studying in an institution that mirrors my ideologies would be an unparalleled experience. It means being able to pursue courses that go beyond our everyday subject matter and more to the fundamentals of human behaviour, thus honing my skills as an individual who is empathetic and inquisitive.

NYUAD, if I would say, is a constellation of hope nurturing brilliant stars that will empower the future; it would be an honour to become a part of this distinct university.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,294 1838  
Jul 30, 2018   #2
Prath, only paragraph #4 fully explains "Why NYUAD?" It is clear, precise, and informative as to the reasons why you chose the university. All of the 2 liners don't really help to move the essay along. Neither do these directly respond to the question. Maybe, you can use those talking points if you can develop those into full paragraphs. What is the word maximum requirement? If you still have the room, go ahead and expand on the short sentences. That should help to make the essay more interesting and informative. At this point, I am only confident of paragraph #4 being directly in tune with the prompt response expectations.

If I were to develop any other paragraphs in this essay, it would be paragraphs 2 and 3. Expanded, it should explain that you chose NYUAD because you look forward to spending some time studying abroad at an affiliate university as a student of (name a particular topic or subject) in relation to your chosen major. Then the 3rd paragraph can be expanded to explain how you loo forward to learning about other countries through the mixed representation of nations on campus. Which can result in a highly learning experience through the social events at the university.

You get the drift. Represent an academic and social discussion of your university choice as it relates to your academic and social development desires. This is still a work in progress but has a better direction now than before.
OP polythurene 1 / 2 1  
Aug 1, 2018   #3
@Holt
i had a paragraph that talked about the courses i would like to pursue and what my future dream is, but i didn't know how it incorporate it into the passage without losing the flow.

this is the renewed version:

Education, in my opinion...

Its multifarious courses ...

Moreover, NYUAD's ...

I dream of one day starting my own educational institution in my home country that will serve as a platform to propel young, bright leaders to greater heights. NYUAD, will transform me into the best version of myself, equipping me to become a global leader who will not falter when faced with complex issues through a cumulative process mixing in voices from all across the world.

NYUAD challenges ... of human behaviour through courses such as "imagined cities" "lies and lying" and "laughter", thus honing my skills ...

NYUAD, if I would say...

(would this be okay or should i work on it more?)


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