Any advice or feedback?
Knowledge; I have an insatiable curiosity for it. Growing up, while other children watched Nickelodeon, I watched PBS. I eagerly told my parents the new discoveries I learned: how fish breathe underwater and that the sky is blue because blue light is absorbed by gas molecules and then scattered, not because God's angles used a blue crayon. At home, my parents encouraged my intellectual curiosity; my mother took me to the library every week. But outside my home was a different scenario.
I come from a large and close family. We use any excuse to get together; Chivas soccer games, the Super Bowl. Sure, we may not follow American football or know the rules, but, there is still a party. I would go to these parties and tell my aunts and uncles everything I learned from a documentary or book. My family, highly blunt and honest; would look at me with confused faces and ask me, "Why are you so stuck up?" I never understood the reaction. My parents began to notice the frequency of these occurrences, and, when I was about seven, before we left to one of the parties celebrating the Chivas' win over the America soccer team, my parents calmly told me it was "disrespectful to act smart because it made others feel stupid." Most of my family is uneducated; they come from a small Mexican town and did not attend school. My parents made me understand that, although I did not intend to belittle them, I was came across as "stuck up" and my family felt I was mocking them. I never again spoke to my family, and even my friends, about the new facts I learned.
In sixth grade, I read the book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I became engrossed with J.K. Rowling's magical world, especially with Hermione Granger. Hermione is a student wizard at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She has an affinity for books and knowledge. I could not believe that someone as smart as her had friends like Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. My whole life I believed knowledge as isolating. I grew up to reject it. I was still a good student, but I did not see learning as something enjoyable. I no longer watched PBS. I actually believed that if I told my friends I liked reading, they would mock me. An irrational fear kept me from pursuing my love of knowledge. But Hermione showed me knowledge is not isolating. She does not mask her intelligence in order to fit in. She does not hide her knowledge in fear that she will be rejected. People respect her because of her intelligence. However, she also taught me that I must not flaunt my knowledge; I cannot use it as a weapon to show superiority. Her being isolated from her peers in the first book because of her pretension taught me that. It is when she finds the balance between her love for knowledge and her friends that she is happy. She taught me that I can have friends and be close to my family, and still keep my love for knowledge. I once again became the person I was initially. I restarted the weekly routine of visiting the library; I became more open and outgoing because I no longer feared others' opinions. If Hermione Granger, an intelligent girl, could have friends like Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, so could I. I still kept my friends after I told them I had my own library in my room.
I am now a senior in high school, and I can proudly say that I watch PBS religiously. I know it was immature to believe for so long that intelligence was isolating, and Hermione Granger made me realize that. I thank Hermione Granger for reawakening my true self.
Boring first sentence. It is written in a cool way, but it actually is kind of obvious and common. "I have an insatiable curiosity about XXX... I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge... anyone can say that, and it is not very specific.
Here is a place where a sentence would be better off without "that."
I am now a senior in high school, and I can proudly say that I watch PBS religiously.
Okay, I am sorry to criticize; I just want to tell you the first thing that comes to mind is that you are making yourself out to be a child prodigy, and the way that the Harry Potter character inspired you seems... contrived, I guess. Yet, this seems like a great idea for an essay! I actually am not sure what I think.
After pondering this for several minutes, I think I know what my problem is: itis typical and common for kids to talk about how they were like little prodigies when they were young, and that is the part I don't like. It will be better if you specify a few specific areas of knowledge that interest you most. That will enable you to follow the writing rule, Show, Don't Tell.
Also, it would be great to give a paragraph about this phenomenon: people keep each other down by making them feel stuck up when they talk about new knowledge they gained. (That is a wicked cool concept for an essay).
:-)
