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'Curling' - Extracurricular Common App


jecc_ 1 / -  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
PROMPT: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

In my junior year of high school I did something very strange: I joined the curling team. While joining a sports team may seem banal to most people, it was something completely outside my comfort zone. I've never been very athletic and was never really interested in sports; in fact what enticed me to join the curling team was the promise that it involved math and physics. I never expected to gain the important lesson I did: how to lose. During my first year our team lost every single game. We practiced every night after school for hours; it didn't matter how much work we put in, we never won. Normally this would have devastated me; I've always had very high self-standards, I always want to win, to be the best. But I quickly learned how to accept the loss, and more importantly learn from it. Before long I found I was applying this principle not only to curling but to my entire life. I never imagined I'd find such an important lesson or rewarding experience in such a simple sport.

Any criticism/comments are appreciated.
makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
While joining a sports team may seem banal to most people

Change it to "While joining this sport may seem banal to most people..."
It makes more logical sense.

To be honest, I'm not impressed. At the end, you showed me that you accepted failure because of the wise lesson it taught you. Your telling me that you're willing to accept loss for the rest of your life. This isn't a time to be humble. It's a time to be big and strong. I'd be willing read it again if you can rewrite it.

And do you mind giving my Cornell Human Ecology Essay a read?
clairem 3 / 3  
Dec 27, 2011   #3
I can relate to this essay as I also never really participated in sports.
I really like the idea of your essay, but your tone doesn't really show any excitement or portray the joy you get from curling. I would emphasize how much fun it is, or how much you enjoy going to practice etc..

also, could you please read my letter to roommate essay?
thanks
Suzhou 3 / 7  
Dec 27, 2011   #4
"But I quickly learned how to accept the loss, and more importantly learn from it. Before long I found I was applying this principle not only to curling but to my entire life. I never imagined I'd find such an important lesson or rewarding experience in such a simple sport."

The transition is a bit jarring. You're doing the age old college essay formula, where you talk about an activity you participate in and relate it to some form of moral lesson. And while there's nothing wrong with that, I feel like it should be put to better use in the actual common app essay, where you have more room to explain your growth. In this short answer, you simply go from "I lost at curling" to "I can learn from loss." Perhaps it would be better if you explained just why you stuck with curling, instead of talking about the lesson you gained from it.
dychung7 7 / 19  
Dec 27, 2011   #5
The theme of "learning from our own mistakes" is very common and almost cliche.
Although the subject you are talking about (curling) is very unique, I would use a different theme.

Also, the phrase "in fact what enticed me to join the curling team was the promise that it involved math and physics" seems a bit out of place because you do not relate it anywhere else in this passage. Maybe you can elaborate how you got interested in curling because of its physics and math aspect.

These are just one person's thoughts. Do not hesitate to challenge them, and don't feel like you have to take all my suggestions.
goldenmachine12 2 / 5  
Dec 31, 2011   #6
I don't mind it at all. It seems like someothing that many people would write, and for that i suggest that you make it more personal. Maybe talk about the math and physics that influenced you to join in the first place. And I noticed an abundance of semi colons in that paragraph. That's all. Good Luck!


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