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My current interests - I am applying to Johns Hopkins and need help with my entrance essay!

master111111 1 / 1  
Jan 4, 2016   #1
The question is: Given the opportunities at Hopkins, please discuss your current interests (academic, extracurricular, personal passions, summer experiences, etc.) and how you will build upon them here.

Here is my essay (I'm not a good essay writer at all!)

There is nothing more satisfying than completing a good puzzle. Satisfaction and pride are my rewards for finishing a puzzle, but that's only after I get frustrated with it first. I run through the sudoku and crosswords puzzles from the local newspapers, and I frequently buy puzzle books from the store. Crosswords, word puzzles, jigsaw puzzles-- I love them all, but my favorite puzzles are languages.

My first serious encounter with a foreign language was in the eighth grade. I traveled to each classroom, collecting paper for the recycling bin outside of the school. Towards the end of my rounds I reached a classroom located out of the way of the main halls. Timidly, I knocked on the door and entered the class to collect the paper. Upon opening the door, I was bombarded by an assault of words and sounds that I hadn't heard of before. I watched as the students created intricate designs on paper, decrypting the code the teachers had just given them, and created another code. After collecting the paper, I made a dash for the door, grabbing an extra sheet on my way out. Two weeks later, I had been enrolled in my school's Chinese language class.

Over four years after starting Mandarin Chinese, I have begun studying Korean and Spanish. After each class, each lesson, and each language learning app, I make another step towards completing the puzzle. However, many of my resources are quickly exhausting, which is why I need to study at JHU.The flexibility of the curriculum and sheer number of courses offered will allow me to finish these puzzles. Once they are finished, I plan on applying for internships with the CIA, Embassies and Consulates, and other locations in D.C. where I can assist other that are unable to speak English fluently. My dream is be an ambassador for the United States, and JHU offers the piece that could get me there.
ckko817 2 / 5 1  
Jan 4, 2016   #2
the idea is alright but the flow and sentence structure is weak.
at first the idea is interesting but you eventually lost me in the choppy sentences and word choice.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 5, 2016   #3
Michael, you need to revise the content of your essay top discuss one of each topic as indicated in the brackets. Offer information about an academic pursuit you have that is related to your major, then discuss how JHU can help you develop your interest and start your career after graduation. Talk about this interest that you have in learning to speak Chinese as part of your extra curricular activities. Then do some research and find out if JHU has any club or organization already existing that you can join in order to help you build your language skills in this field. If none exists, then consider discussing how you would like to start a club that would encourage the learning of Chinese as a language on campus. Finally, decide if you have an unforgettable summer experience or personal passion that you feel will help you portray yourself as a well rounded, analytical, and logical individual who knows how to have fun at the same time. A usual, you have to find a connection between that interest and JHU.

The idea behind the essay prompt is to have you explain how you will constructively utilize your time at JHU as a full time student. What interests do you have that will help the student community of JHU improve or evolve into a new kind of student community? There are no wrong or right answers to this essay. You just have to make sure that you provide the relevant information as indicated in the prompt. This is the essay that will allow you to build your image as a person in the eyes of the reviewer. So don't waste it by discussing such a one dimensional aspect of who you are and where your interests lie.

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