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"Do you cut the red wire or the blue?" college admission essay

Hello. I am trying to write an admissions essay for transferring in to Texas A&M. I am wishing to attend their computer science program, but I am having trouble getting this essay started.

"Do you cut the red wire or the blue?" As an explosive ordnance disposal technician, this question is asked of me more often than I could count. What escapes many is there is far more to rendering an explosive hazard safe than being able to decide between a couple colors. I learned how to study and retain large amounts of information quickly, afford attention to even the minutest detail, and work under immense pressure. These traits are what keep a technician alive. They are also traits that will make me an academically great student.

Zero and one, the most powerful numbers known to man, have the ability to put a man on the moon, aid in medical treatment, and help us operate through our day to day lives. These seemingly insignificant numbers are in fact the characters of binary code, the basis of all computer operations and programming. I remember learning this and being astounded, in fact every time I learned something new about a computer I yearned to know more. I took computer science courses and learned about programming languages such a java and C++. By the time I was asked what I wanted to do in life my senior year in high school, the answer was simple. I was going to be a software engineer.

On the one hand, I feel the first one offers the admissions committee more in demonstrating value as what type of student I will be but has nothing to do with my intended major. I could continue and elaborate on why those things would make me a good student. On the other hand, the second introduction pertains to my major, but I have nothing really to add value to my admissions packet. I could continue with why I would like to attend A&M and my intended goals, but I don't feel like that is what the essay is asking for. Should I pick one of these two and go with it, or am I at a point I should scrap both and start from square one again? Any help you can provide is most graciously appreciated.

Jun 23, 2014   #2
Well for the 1st para, you have described your background pretty good which is a good base for 2nd para. You can link your background with what your chosen major requires? Then it will be more persuasive and pave the way to 2nd para.

As for the 2nd para, in my opinion, if you can elaborate on why you want to be a software engineer by describing the steps you choose to approach it, or how determined you are by what you have done. By that you have told them your passion as well as your ability. If you can, also state why you want to enter this A&M or how it can help you with your pursuit, again you will strengthen your determination hence makes your essay more plausible :)

This is just my general ideas. I haven't reached university so my knowledge on this topic is limited. However this is what I have learnt on how to make your essay more persuasive :) Hope this can help :)

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