THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS! I really appreciate it!
and PLEASE be as harsh as you can. This is my first draft.
For the last few months, the downfall of Lance Armstrong has been a international issue. Although Armstrong denied charges for doping, over 300 pages of evidence said otherwise. CNN documented Lance Armstrong's downfall and featured it in on air documentary, The World According to Lance Armstrong, which portrayed him as a world-famous athlete who once shone as bright as the north star, but fell from the grace as a cheater.
Seven times Le Tour de France champion, Lance Armstrong was an idol to many people: wannabe cyclists, professional cyclists, and even cancer patients. He was known not only for his jaw-dropping record but also for his struggle to fight against cancer. He gave many hopes and dreams to those people around him; therefore, the fall of this legendary cyclist was very tragic and disappointing.
This event caused me to wonder what ultimately caused his downfall. To bring a glory to himself, his country, and his family, he faced his physical limit to push forward; in addition, he had a third stage of cancer early in his athletic career that left him with no strength due to various surgeries and chemical therapies. Why would he jeopardize all that he had achieved? Perhaps fear that he would disappoint his fans through his poor performance permeated his thinking. Instead of continuing with his razor-sharp determination and focus, Armstrong concentrated on the title only and reached for unfair assistance in his quest for glory. To my eyes, he was afraid of the slow improvement of his performance after recovering from cancer, so his frustration with his ability and desperation to bring himself another championship trophy produced a cheater, a liar, and a selfish coward.
Though not a championship cyclist, nor a cancer survivor, I relate to Armstrong's choices. I also faced the temptation to take a short cut in various situations. While testing, I wanted to get unfair advantage to achieve a high score, while exercising, I wanted to run fewer laps than I was supposed to to achieve my goal more quickly, and even while reading a book, I wanted to skip to the last chapter to achieve instant satisfaction. Temptation knocked on my door numerous times, but every time I resisted it. I wish to become an independent person who knows how to get over the challenges of life with hard work and determination.
This issue is significant to me and even to my generation because this age of 'instant gratification' leads many of us most of us to find a way to go over obstacles, instead of through them. Lance Armstrong's downfall serves as a warning for us all to decide how we want to face life challenges. As for me, I choose to work hard and take no short cuts.
I think that sounds really good. I have a few suggestions
Instead of using I wish to become an independent person, say I want so you are more assuring.
because this (idea) of 'instant gratification' leads many of us, most of us, to find a way around obstacles (fix this)
reached for unfair assistance ( I think this sounds odd, maybe something like took advantage ________)
Maybe give an example of how he used unfair assistance to show he was trying to take a shortcut
I enjoyed your essay!
The only advice I would give is to perhaps provide some reasoning behind it. Why is it so important that we stay honest, and not shortcuts? What is the significance to you, and how does it affect an important part of your life?
If you could answer those questions, I am sure you will get into the university of your choice!
Good job.
Providing the writing prompt may make it easier to help!
I liked the story and enjoyed the meaning behind it, yet I feel as though you should focus more on yourself since this is a personal statement. Your commentary on Lance did provide your own perspective on the the situation. Showing your prospective let's the reader know you can look at things from a different view, yet the bulk of it simply provided his struggles rather than your own.
However that may be what the prompt is asking for? (unclear)
