How did you choose your proposed course and institution?
Currently, the role of cybersecurity is absolutely enormous and significant in the digital age. The publication of this sector is very essential in preventing the occurrence of cyber attacks in information sources that are carried out intentionally by a group of people to disrupt confidentially, integrity and availability of data. The safety factor in digital business is a determinant of company freedom. However, many companies have gone bankrupt because of cybercriminal. Moreover, until now there are still many of these businesses organization in the country that do not really understand the dangers of criminal of cyber that can threaten the existence of these area at anytime. Nowadays, cybersecurity is still challenging in Indonesia. This circumstances is influenced by some options. People need to be aware about information security because many use applications in the digital world and are also often active in cyberspace. The public also need to understand how to maintain cybersecurity for themselves both from the rules and the risk side. The community must use the internet as a technology platform that will also help them in their daily lives. Nonetheless, there is still an issue in Indonesia if there are human beings who are not familiar with the world of internet, technological sophistication. Going on the basis of those components above, I make a decision to take the Master of Cybersecurity as my contribution to overcome the problems in cyber and to support the government program in increase the potential of human resources in East Nusa Tenggara (NTT) Province. I searched the right university to cater my career goals and decided to choose La Trobe University in Melbourne because I have communicated it with one of the University staff there. He is so welcome and clearly explain my question regarding with the course aimed at. I have preferred Master of Business (Enterprise Resource Planning Systems) at Victoria University which likewise teach technical skills.
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The reason you chose your proposed course should only be related to the situation in Indonesia as that is where you will be applying the theoretical and practical skills you will be acquiring during your studies. You should remove all of the first part that refers to cybersecurity on general terms. You have to be specific about how you were influenced by the cybersecurity situation in your country based upon the need to beef up IT security in the country and also, improve your job skills in relation to future cybersecurity development within your country.
Separate the discussion about the university in a new paragraph. You have to totally change the reason for your choosing the university. It is too flimsy and does not portray any strong academic reasons for your choice. For example, you could indicate that the course prospectus shows a similarity to the way that you will be needing to handle the IT security requirements of your current job. Make specific references to your undergraduate or professional training that will continue to be honed by the additional learning you will receive from the university. Your reason has to highlight your desire to learn. The university choice should not just be because they have a friendly staffers who answered your questions. That is one of the worst reasons to choose a university and the reviewer will be irritated rather than impressed by such reasoning.
One of the poorest essays I have ever seen. Think twice, thrice before you write an important thing. It is an academic scholarship statement. Try to more focus, maintain coherence of your ideas and put into the frame.
1. First there should be a robust rationale on how you select any university. Consider their courses and the electives that are relevant to your career and country's development, their research impact, university's plan to support you in the academically challenging environment when you enter the university etc.
2. The relevance to select your course should be based not on anecdotes, rather your personal and professional experiences and gaps.
Hopefully, your revised essay will make more sense. Good Luck Chirs!!