I wrote this essay for another college but it had the same prompt. I just had to cut it from 1600 words to much less. Tell me what you think! Be as harsh as you need to. All criticism is welcome! Thank you!
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
I was eight years old. I was listening to the ruckus of the vacuum in the living room when suddenly, I hear a bang and then silence. The vacuum broke and I knew what that meant. I pulled out the tool chest and met my dad at the site of the patient. We both settled and prepared for surgery. All the surgical tools were present, screwdrivers, pliers, etc. With the use of screwdrivers, we split her open and peered at her internal organs: a motor, wires, gears, and belts. Everything seemed complicated to my inexperienced eyes just as it did in all of our projects, but I dove right in with my dad and his years of experience as our guide. I watched and listened as he confidently showed me how the belt attached to the motor and carried on the power chain just as he did in every one of our projects. Just like always, as he talked, things began clearing up for me.
Suddenly, as my dad continued to pour his information on me, I had an epiphany. The vacuum's inner workings reminded me of some of the past projects that we had done together. The mechanism was clear to me now, and I finally understood the problem. I reached into the patient and found what I was looking for. My dad watched as I clicked a hidden belt back onto its gear. As I had finished my tinkering and started explaining my solution, my dad stared at me and smiled proudly. When we had first started doing projects together years ago, I would practically be a spectator and watch as my dad fixed the problem himself, but now, I had found the solution first. Although this was the first time, it would not be the last.
Since I was six years old, my dad and I would work together on "projects." If something broke, the toolbox came out, and a project ensued upon the item in peril. We would tear apart basically anything we could get our hands on without being scolded by my mother. We fixed, tinkered, invented, and just explored whenever we got the chance. We loved seeing how the inventors of whatever we worked succeeded in reaching their objectives. Obviously, we couldn't fix absolutely every project that we came across, but we would always learn something new about the item before reluctantly letting it go. The most important thing these projects did was ignite my love of learning and knowledge, and give me an insatiable curiosity. Just as I would always love seeing how each mechanism we worked on functioned, I now thirsted to see how everything worked. I required understanding. Since those projects, I have always strived to answer the "why" in everything I notice and have taken every opportunity to learn anything I can.
My dad's influence can be seen everywhere. In any situation, I strive to know all the detailed explanations and the answer to "why." Just as my dad and I hated to let go of an unfinished project, I can't let go of something if I don't understand it completely, and I refuse to admit defeat. My dad's teachings have also been etched onto my attitude on life. I believe everything has an answer, all problems a solution, and that nothing is impossible to accomplish. If faced with a problem I can't beat, I use my creativity and ingenuity to overcome. My need for understanding, my inability to admit defeat, and my creativity are the key to my success and all originate in those humble moments with my dad.
Even as I sit here as a young adult, I still love to build things and have "projects" of my own. I learn something new each time; because of my dad, I will continue to learn for as long as I live. Even though he isn't with me in every project, his teachings never leave. His actions shaped me to become the person I am today and motivate me to become even better. All I have accomplished and all that I will ever become is because of my dad.
Thank you so much!
I made the few changes you pointed out and just only made minor changes to the ending. I can't think of a better ending so I think I'm just going to leave it at:
Even as I sit here as a young adult, I still love to build things and have "projects" of my own like big catapults or magnetic levitation machines. I still learn something new each time I attempt one. Even though my dad isn't with me in every project anymore, his teachings never leave. His actions shaped me to become the person I am today and motivate me to become even better.
i guess it is cliche but it is really how I feel about it
