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Dad immigrated to America from Barbados, Summer bridge essay


rudegirl 1 / 1  
Nov 8, 2010   #1
hello i need advice on my essay that im trying to write for Florida State Summer Bridge Program please help me. The prompt is why im intrested in being apart of it. Thank you!!!

My name is Vernica Williams; I am a resident of West Palm Beach Florida and a senior at Forest Hill High School. I come from a Low income family that seeks government assistance.

My dad immigrated to America from Barbados at the age of twenty-one. My mom never took an interest in school and later dropped out. My mom stressed to my brothers and sisters the importance of getting an education, and how with one comes a better life with more opportunities. My siblings still chose to follow the road my mom once took and it all led to destruction. I took her advice with good intentions. My background doesn't determine who I am and what I will become. Seeing my mother sacrifice to provide for my family members taught me to be determined, hard working, independent, and persistent.

Entering high school, I got into the JROTC (junior reserve officer training corps) program. This molded me into who I am today. I went from being a timid cadet to a confident second Lieutenant in ranks and an Executive officer in position. I Also was apart of Student Government, where I got acquainted with more of our school activities and those of our district and surrounding Communities. As a senior I know having a college education is a very important part of life and I don't want my educational journey to end on my high school graduation day. Through your Care program I will be given the tools to succeed in life and the support and guidance needed and to get through my transition from high school to college and to be a better productive citizen.

Finally with Summer Bridge I would have the opportunity to advance my education at Florida State University, Which would guide me to be a better person in life and further prepare me for life challenges. I pray and hope that I meet the qualifications to become a participant of your care program and I assure you that I will take advantage of this opportunity.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 13, 2010   #2
I come from a Low income family that relies on government assistance.

My mom never took an interest in school and later dropped out. My mom stressed to my brothers and sisters the importance of getting an education,...You should change this a little bit, like maybe say that when your mother was in school she dropped out, and has always wished she hadn't. Then that would be the reason she stressed the importance of getting an education.

I was also part of Student Government, where I got acquainted...

As a senior, I know having a college education is a very...

Through your Care program, I will be given the tools to succeed, in life and the support and guidance needed and to get through my transition from high school to college and to be a more productive citizen.

Finally with Summer Bridge, I would have the opportunity to advance my education at Florida State University, w hich would guide me to be a better person, in life and further prepare me for life's challenges.
OP rudegirl 1 / 1  
Nov 19, 2010   #3
thanks for the assisstance it really help. but overall do you think i answered the prompt accurately?
Paullee 3 / 7  
Nov 19, 2010   #4
It is a great essay. One thing though: Be specific. Every paragraph, you are giving us new information.
It IS good, but i think you need to explain in more detail.
For example, "Finally with Summer Bridge I would have the opportunity to advance my education at Florida State University, Which would guide me to be a better person in life and further prepare me for life challenges." This part will be much better if you provided the aspects of the summer bridge.


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