Please guys help me out here English is not my native language and I am really struggling with these essays. any comments or criticism will be greatly appreciated
Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)
"Dad is leaving" my brother rushed into my room, shouting and that's when it all began. For months I waited for him but in vain, for he was not about to come. I got struck off from the school, because we couldn't pay the fees. I was waiting for life to go back to normal, but soon realized that if it was to get any better I would have to do something. I tried to figure out how to get myself out of this terrible situation I started thinking of ways to earn for myself and my family. After months of searching I found something that I thought might just work, it was modeling. I started working tirelessly with whatever resources I could find. I became adept at it in a couple of months and started an affiliate web store. I struggled with my business for quite some time. but not only was I able to continue my own education only after a year but also funded my younger brother's education and contributed to the family income. I did the seemingly impossible I started a business in a developing country, at the age of 14 and pulled my family back on their feet.
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)
My country.I have grown up watching the suffering of the developing world, watching people being parted from their loved ones without reason, watching them getting oppressed day in and day out. Yet they are still people,you can still see kids playing, people working, and people desperately trying to live but there is something different about everything here, most of the people have lost their will, their integrity, you can see it from their faces, they look as if they are devoid of life. Their instincts for survival dominate their integrity. I blame this entirely on the education system and on the extreme poverty. The education system is extremely distressing the schools here are insufficient but that's only part of the problem the quality of education is also very poor. Furthermore the financial health of our country is deteriorating and it is mainly due to the lack of power, investors are fleeing from the country as electricity is expensive and in short supply, in summers we have electricity twelve hours a day. I believe I can solve the energy crisis for my country and for the world and also help alleviate the education system in my country. I want to teach in a way that my students would want to become teachers rather than being embarrassed of this grand profession. I have to tell our students that they are not worthless and that they can do great things too, they need to know this, I have to make them think.
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)
The feeling I get from teaching is indescribable. Teaching my peers and my juniors and finally seeing them succeed gives me great satisfaction. I have been teaching since I was in 9th grade and I try to study students to see what they find difficult and how it can be made easy for them. Right now I am teaching electric circuits, calculus and 3dsmax and I have been offered a position as a science teacher during summer for 9th graders at a local school. I believe teaching is an art and something that you are born with.
Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)
Nuclear engineering and if possible a few subjects from electrical engineering and nano science.
I have always been a fan of power systems and after careful thought and years of research I am convinced that if human race has to progress without destroying the planet nuclear fusion coupled with super capacitors(for portable power) are the way to go. I have a few ideas on the subject that I would like to develop further at MIT, I would really love to work on the DEMO project when I have completed my bachelors. Furthermore I would also like to research on super capacitors during my bachelors they are still in their early stages but are very, very promising. Both of these technologies need to be commercialized as soon as possible and I will be able to help.
"my brother rushed into my room, shouting and that's when it all began."
Perhaps end the sentence after 'shouting' and start the next sentence with "That's" to create a stronger impression
"For months I waited for him but in vain"
How about just "For months I waited in vain"
It's already implied that you're waiting for Dad
You don't need the words "it was" before 3d modeling - it creates a comma splice
Also, I believe there should be a "-" (dash) between 3 and d since it's short for 3-dimensional
"I did the seemingly impossible I started a business in a developing country, at the age of 14 and pulled my family back on their feet."
Try adding a colon ":" after impossible and removing the comma after country so it looks like
"I did the seemingly impossible: I started a business in a developing country at the age of 14 and pulled my family back on their feet."
