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"Dance and the Body" - University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign


madtomato 2 / 7  
Oct 30, 2011   #1
Prompt: How have your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major? If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

As a kid, I loved going to the doctor's office. I was never the kid who threw a fit before getting in the car, or who ran around the room screaming in protest of a shot. As strange as it sounds, I actually looked forward to yearly checkups. I was never afraid to see my doctor, unlike most children my age. Instead, I was fascinated with how everything worked. The stethoscope, checking my blood pressure, the throat swabs... all of it was so intriguing. I loved that my doctor could know exactly what was wrong with me from a simple examination or a few tests. To me, it was magical how well she knew the human body.

The allure of anatomy stems from my need to understand how my body worked at an early age. I've been taking ballet classes since I was 3 years old, and starting then, its been essential to be in touch with my body. I've had to learn to control my toes separately from my feet and my feet separately from my legs. I know how to breathe into a tight muscle, how the knees have to be aligned with the toes, and where my ischial tuberocities and greater trochanter are. A dancer doesn't simply know movement, but why and how she moves. Dance has lead me to know my body very well, but there is so much more to discover.

In taking AP Biology, I've delved further into the mysterious world of the body. I love knowing the details that create the big picture and the reasons why things happen the way they do. At University of Illinois, I want to pursue my desire to know more about the human body, and still take dance classes to fuel my drive to know more. By studying Biology, I can go even more in depth, while still maintaining my personal connection to my body through dance. University of Illinois has a prestigious dance curriculum, and I hope to be involved in that as well.
Briana21 1 / 5  
Oct 30, 2011   #2
**As a kid, I loved going to the doctor's office. I was never the kid who threw a fit before getting in the car, or who ran around the room screaming in protest of a shot.I was never afraid to see my doctor, unlike most children my age. As strange as it sounds, I actually looked forward to yearly checkups. I was fascinated with how everything worked; the stethoscope, checking my blood pressure, the throat swabs... all of it was so intriguing.

It reads very well overall but I think you need to work on your transitions from the biology and dance portions
and maybe a reworded stronger closing sentence would work too.

Can you read my UIUC essay also?
sonya15 4 / 29  
Oct 30, 2011   #3
I really like this essay because you talk about two such varied interests, but bring them together well. You really need to make sure that your transitions between the two are smoother though.

"Dance has lead" Remember, past tense of lead is led :)

Also, your last two sentences are a bit choppy. Try to combine them.

Here's a suggestion:
At UIUC (this will be specific and concise since there are like five different U of I's) I hope to pursue my desire to study the human body, while also studying dance. Both UIUC's biology and dance (departments?) appeal to me, and I hope to have the opportunity to bring my unique personal connection to my body through dance to campus.

Will you read mine too? Thanks and good luck!


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