"when i dance its great" - activity, interest FAMU ESSAY NEEDS ADVICE

JUST THE START ANY SUGGESTIONS THINGS I NEED TO ADD OR CHANGE

Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievement in your life (this could be a book, a movie, or an activity or experience at work, home, or school) that has been particularly meaningful for you.

When I step inside the room filled with mirrors and hardwood floors I feel like I am home but im just in the dance room at my school or at my dance studio . It gives me that joyful and happy feeling like I just won the lottery . When Im in dance, Im not the same person as I am inside the classroom. This is because when i dance I feel it is a great way for me to express what Ifeel. When I having trouble at home I know I can go to the dance studio and take a class that will change my hole entire mood upside down. Being the only male on my high school dance for a year and the next year Im co-cpatian means alot to me.

-"It gives me that joyful and happy feeling its like i just won the lottery lottery
-Don't for get to CAPITALIZE all your I's and beginning of sentences
- Space twice after a period
-You have a lot of grammar issues... for instance.. turn im to I'm
-"W hen I' m in dance,I' m not the same person as I am inside the classroom.This is becausewhen i dance I feel it is a great way for me to express what i feel and sometimes help me with all of my problems.

-Use Spell check and again.. check grammar. A LOT

You just need to edit this up... the idea is there and it demonstrates what you want to say.

Please Return the Favor--/snowy-strug gels-personal-refelction-common-app-essay-idea-20835/

Thanks

Thank for your writing,
I think you should brainstorm to develop your ideas. It maybe become better. I think that.
I'm very sorry because my English is not so good in order to help you.

Have a excellent essay!

First sentence... Change to--> When I step into a mirror filled room, I feel like I am home, but I am not. I am only attending a lesson at my dance studio or at my school.

--Don't forget contractions.. like I'm not Im
--When I'm having trouble

change my holewholeentire mood (whole mood already suggests it is your entire mood)

Last sentence---> Being the only male dancer on my high school team, it was an honor for me to receive the accolade of co-captain.

Was there a word limit?? I feel like you can write more to express this situation and how it feels.

the lottery. (fix the period to be closer)

When I'm in dance, I'm not the same person as I am inside the classroom. This is because when I dance I feel it is a great way for me to express what I feel. ---TO-- When I'm dancing, I'm not the same person I am inside the classroom because when I dance, I feel like I can truly express who I am.

take class--- take a class

its still very meaningful to me--- it's still meaningful to me ( the very does not have to be here)

I know when I have a problem or feeling stressed out about school I know I have a place to turn to, that place filled with mirrors the place, that makes me feel like I am vulnerable and nobody can tell me nothing.-- TO-- I know when I'm having a problem or I am stressed out, I can always turn to something that soothes me: dancing. That studio that is filled with mirrors makes me feel like I am safe and secure. No one can tell me different.

Just some suggestions...

thank you so much for helping me

umm...this is it with the corrections and do you think i should add something or is that good enough

When I step into a mirror filled room, I feel like I am home, but I am not. I am only attending a lesson at my dance studio or at my school. It gives me that joyful and happy feeling like I just won the lottery. When I'm dancing, I'm not the same person I am inside the classroom because when I dance, I feel like I can truly express who I am.. When I'm having trouble at home I know I can go to the dance studio and take a class that will change my entire mood upside down. Being the only male dancer on my high school dance team, it was an honor for me to receive the accolade of co-captain. Although dance is not my major, its still meaningful to me. It has taught me many lessons in life that I know I will be able to use in the future.I know when I'm having a problem or I am stressed out, I can always turn to something that soothes me: dancing. That studio that is filled with mirrors makes me feel like I am safe and secure. No one can tell me different.

It seems short, but I don't know what you need to write.
I like it. You get your point across and relate it to you.

Good Luck with your application! :)

thanks so much

its only suppose to be 250 words but thanks alot

O Okay. Then yes.
Great essay. I hope you get accepted.
And no problem, glad to help