Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
What is "community"? "Com" means "fully" and "unity", "together as one.", so a community would be a group of people fully aggregated together under one unifying force. I belong to a dance community, and it allows me to choreograph the steps I take in life. Instead being led on an obscene detour as a way of escape, I can count on dance to be my remedy. When I hear the music, I feel the music. I feel the rhythm coursing through my vein. Allowing my body to express my feelings, I vent the issues away.
The multifaceted language of dance has dialects ranging from hip-hop to ballet. Sometimes dancers may not understand the music that others dance to, but they can connect by absorbing the emotions that their movements portray. In this diverse community, I get a chance to expose myself to life. We all have different sized feet, different perspectives of the world. We may not fit into each others shoes, but we can learn from one another. By doing so, I believe we can sharpen our viewpoint of everything we do.
Being able to dance with people from Kenya all the way to Malaysia is something that helped me understand the lifestyles of these individuals. Each person's culture and environment plays a role in each move they make to the beat. Meeting so many unique people from this network of dancers encourages me to learn more about the world. The world may be huge, but the dance community is also huge. As each minute passes it grows bigger with newly born members. I would know. I used to be one of them.
Any thoughts on making this better is appreciated!! :)
[I definitely need some suggestions on how to end my piece. I don't want to say "I used to be one of them" because it sounds like I'm not a dancer anymore. I want to instead put it in the terms of "I changed".]
I think it's quite a nice essay, but it doesn't really jump out as anything special, but I guess it depends what you're aiming for. The language you use is quite toned down, but I think that's ok. The only other thing I would say is that the essay doesn't flow perfectly, from para to para, so maybe a bit of work on that would do, but overall a very nice essay! Please check out mine, if you have the time. (I know we're running out of time!)
Hi!
I think you have a good essay there. A few suggestions:
Your description of the dance community is good, but slightly incoherent: it tends to have abrupt changes. Try linking the flow a little better.
You may want to stress a little more on your place in the community. Right now its a little vague. Try getting into specifics of what you have done instead of broad abstracts (but keep those too, they're good!).
To make the tone better, why don't you try to tell the essay like a story. Also, try switching the words around a little. "My community would be one of dance" instead of "Mine would be the dance community" for example.
In the last paragraph where to say "community grows bigger with numbers of new beginners", I think you could try fitting in something about how you are ready to step up and help them out or something like that.
Could you take a look at my essay too? Thanks!
