Additionally, ballet has allowed me to give back to my community b y participatinge in benefit performances for underprivileged youth. I have had the honor of also teachingalso taught some of these children the fundamentals of dance, and. I love playing the role of mentor to these younger students, sharing with them my passion for dance and all that it offers.
^I think that with my revisions, you should be able to come across as more modest and humble about your activities.
I think that this essay is not bad at all.
You can always strengthen it by using more powerful methods of expression. That is, if you are not satisfied with how your essay is as it stands.