NUS application essay
Prompt:This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in thath is relevant to the course that you are applying for admission
"DARLING, I AM ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH YOU."
Is that all we are supposed to say when we propose? At least not in my case. Sociology is a high-maintenance boyfriend who, I must admit, is of the fussy and meticulous type, always demanding full attention to his speech, frowning upon my lapse of concentration and insisting on occupying my mind day and night. A descendant of a prestigious European intellectual society which may trace its root to as far as Plato, Sociology prides himself on his hereditary rationality, and thus, is not likely to content himself with such a maudlin and hackneyed avowal of love. Only an analysis of reasons will suffice to open the window to his heart, and that I will heartily take pains to do.
Sociology is not my first love, I confess. I was once smitten with my ex-boyfriend, whose name is Mathematics. The gracefulness of a logical solution, the succinctness of formulas and the transparency of the world reduced to geometrical pattern and numerical order could only be described as fascinating. He made my world safe and predictable, in which logic was the sovereign ruler, leaving no room for uncertainty and chaos. I felt enormous relief when I was with him, as if I was with my God, who assured me that there would always be a definite answer, a final and ultimate solution, solidifying my position in the ever-changing world.
And yet I broke up with him, for my own good. When I went to high school I had difficulty forging new relationships and blending in and became a misanthrope who shunned society and sought for solitude. Relationships do not work logically and I found them perplexing. How should one react to others' anger, fear, love and hope? The answer cannot be vaguer: "It depends". Human behaviors and interactions are, to some extent, work like math, in which everything happens for a reason. But here the reasons are diverse and abundant, and they interrelate in the most exquisite way that we can never know what is going to happen. In contrast to the predictability of mathematics, sociology is a field of volatility and possibility. There is no definite answer.
I started to unveil the myth of sociology out of curiosity and bewilderment, yet it has turned into a lifelong passion. The dynamics of human interaction is no less miraculous than the kaleidoscope, my favorite childhood playtoy. Maybe that's why I fall in love with you, Sociology.
* I want to write sth different and creative so I came up with this stuff. But it turns out to be so vulgar and I haven't the faintes idea how to fix it up. Plz help! Thanks a lot.
Human behaviors and interactions, to some extent, work like math. Since when did everything in math happen for a reason? I would say "in which everything makes sense."
It's actually quite creative :)
Yeah I agree. Thank you for pointing it out, Toby. I do have difficulty with the reasoning in paragraph 2, and want to elaborate on it a little, but I 've already exceeded the word limit (which is only 400 words:)).
Any more comments?
I'd change the title. That put me off just a wee bit to start with.
But I smiled. don't ever while reading an essay, but I did. And I think the AO will smile too. It's going to be a breath of fresh air.
I'd give the world for your flair in writing. Your love for math (as an applicant listing math as a potential major) is... beautiful.
I'd also change 'When I went to high school I had difficulty forging new relationships and blending in and became a misanthrope who shunned society and sought for solitude. Relationships do not work logically and I found them perplexing. How should one react to others' anger, fear, love and hope? The answer cannot be vaguer: "It depends". Human behaviors and interactions are, to some extent, work like math, in which everything happens for a reason. But here the reasons are diverse and abundant, and they interrelate in the most exquisite way that we can never know what is going to happen'... connect it a LITTLE more literally t why you stopped likeing math and started with socio? For a word count this is the best bit to leave out, and it seems a bit irrelavent and rambling.
But overall, great concept. A little editing would make it a winner:)
Thank you Nishabala. Your response is really really helpful. Now I know what i gotta fix.
I 'd like to hear from others too. Plz give me your opinion (don't spare me the truth, no matter how bitter it is :)). Thanks a lot guys.
This is a real work of art. I agree that the title is kind of "off-putting," ha ha... how about that better title! Good idea, Nisha.
Aside from that, it is hard to make suggestions for change, because this is already complete as an inspired piece of writing.
For the sake of clarity, though, you might want to write a sentence right BEFORE this one in paragraph 2:
Sociology is not my first love, I confess.
Precede that with a sentence that explains something about the analysis you are about to do. If you start with mentioning that it was not your first love, the reader sees no order to the analysis. Give a cool sentence of explanation at the start of that paragraph.
Thanks so much for posting this great essay!
Grrr... Talking about boys like that!
Well, I have to admit, the essay got my attention because of the title. It made my eyes jump a couple essays down.
Though math might not be with you, I think she's doing better with me. :D
So fun to read it! Maybe cause I'm a math nerd? Or maybe cause it was just fun to read it!
Unlike nisha, I do like this:
"How should one react to others' anger, fear, love and hope? The answer cannot be vaguer: "It depends"."
So true about humans and the world at large.
Lastly, shouldn't it be, "Maybe that's why I fell in love with you, Sociology"?
Awesome essay and good luck applying!
Mm, I like the idea!
If you're worried about vulgarness - taking it too far - I have two suggestions that stand out. First, I'd take the title and put it in the first line (not a line of its own) and get rid of the capitals. You could also, perhaps, revise the first paragraph a little bit to make the parallels between a boyfriend and Sociology clear; at the moment, they sound too much boyfriend and not quite as much Sociology. Maybe say that a specific aspect of sociology makes it "high maintenance" and another makes it frown on lapsing concentration. By the end of the paragraph, though, you're fine.
The only other line that stuck out as an odd note was referring to your "ex-boyfriend". The metaphor of love works best in terms of falling in love with a subject; taking subjects as honest boyfriends sounds odd. So, I would leave it at being "smitten" with mathematics and take out the phrase about the ex-boyfriend.
I would also be very, very careful with the line about real relationships, starting with "difficulty forging new relationships and blending in and became a misanthrope who shunned society and sought for solitude". You're walking a very thin line there, because it would be easy to misinterpret the essay and get real relationships and metaphorical relationships with subjects mixed up. When you talk about real relationships, try not to imply anything romantic at all in them or you will be vulgar (talking about subjects as boyfriends is funny, talking about real boyfriends sounds inappropriate). On the other hand, bringing that bit in and reminding us that sociology really IS about relationships makes the metaphor much better :)
Finally, I like the last sentance :) Good luck with your essay - keep it original!
