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WHY DAVIDSON COLLEGE? I've thought of several things and these really stood out to me

awelawi 1 / -  
Oct 15, 2020   #1
HI, first off this is a 300 word count essay so it's difficult cramming everything into it. How can I improve it though? Also, it's above the word count so what should I remove?

What can I use as an introduction too? I'm applying ED and really want to get in


I've always been fascinated with the mind and the urges to commit crime. Hence, I hope to develop software that will analyze the root of behavioral disorders, criminality and the methods by which they can be curbed in society. Since Davidson is liberal-arts college, I would pursue a double major in computer science and psychology. From conversations I've had with a few students, I know Davidson has a very challenging curriculum. The rigors from the academics would sharpen my mind and hone my critical thinking skills. Also, I intend on participating in the DRI, where I would study the lasting effects of childhood trauma on children. I aim to employ the findings of my research in Africa because mental health isn't appreciated and it has had adverse effects on people over the years.

During one of my online visits, I discovered the Commission on Race and Slavery. I was truly impressed by the strides Davidson is taking to ensure it rids it's community of every bias, and discrimination. I know being a part of such a community would teach me how to appreciate diverse values.

As an international student, finding an institution that caters for my needs was very important. Through the International Student Program, I can mix into the Davidson community and make relationships with a variety of people. Furthermore, the Alvarez Scholars Program would expose me to several experiential learning prospects and prepare me adequately for my future career.

For me, it's not just about a school's challenging curriculum; it's also the camaraderie of the people in it. From the events I've attended, I see Davidson as a community where my pursuits would be noticed, nurtured, and amplified. This, with the happiness on students' faces as they talk about their experience, is what made me choose Davidson as my ultimate choice.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,647 3480  
Oct 16, 2020   #2
The first paragraph is of an excessive length. Remove the reference to the major you have chosen to pursue at the university. Regardless of the double major, you must focus on the other aspects of the university that have become of interest to you. A general discussion of the academic curriculum would already provide the academic reasons for your choice of university. Do not include the DRI reference since you will be doing research in that section. Save it for a statement of purpose or motivation, if required. Expand on the Commission on Race and Slavery. Describe why this impressed you based on your experience with gender discrimination and bias. The community life is also important so you should avoid a generic presentation in that section. You have to show that you are truly familiar with the community talk about a specific event that you feel you can contribute greatly to instead.

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