the beauty of Davis' diversity
UC Davis is the best fit for me because it is a community where I will be able to thrive in my endeavors to study the Social Sciences. As I have a strong passion for social movements as well as health and welfare policy, Davis would provide me with many opportunities for research. The Middle Eastern/South Asian studies Department and the Center for Poverty Research are just a couple of programs I am deeply interested in and excited to work with if given the opportunity to be an Aggie. Besides, the student population is one where I will grow as an individual by volunteering in various campus activities. As an underrepresented woman, I clearly understand the economic and social situations of minority groups. In my prior experience as the Senator of Health Sciences and Athletics at my community college, El Camino, I had the opportunity to represent students. At Davis, I would aspire to do the same representing minority students and inform the community about their problems. In addition, I will vigorously participate in cross cultural events, not only to make friends and learn their cultures, but also to show them the beauty of Davis' diversity.
Syrah, though this essay is well thought out, it doesn't fully represent the method by which your past and current endeavors in the social science area ties in with the social science programs and study at UC Davis. Being a wait listed student, you want to show the reviewer that you have an impressive background that can further enhance their diversity and social sciences program. Right now, the statement that you have written doesn't really make an impact upon the reader. There is no definite information that pops out which would make me consider taking you off the wait list should a slot become available. It would be best if you do your best to tie in your previous studies and activities with your potential for growth at UC Davis through specific programs in the social sciences department. Sure you mention some departments in this response. However, its relevance to your previous academic experience or social / community participation is not clearly indicated. Without that information, the reviewer cannot really assess the relevance of your statement in relation to your potential as a student at UC Davis. Create a clear connection between your past and present, in order to make an impression that can affect your future consideration as a non-wait listed student.