You need to write a much more focused essay. At the moment, you do a good job of introducing yourself, but you don't really do so in a way that makes you seem like an outstanding candidate for admissions. For instance:
I survived a childhood filled with school, after-school activities, a house full of animals, a stressed-out mother, and a laid-back father.
So? Had you survived a childhood in an abusive home, a war zone, a house blighted by death and illness, or some combination of these things, then I would be impressed. Simply still being alive after a regular childhood isn't really that gripping.
My true passion turned out to be music, mainly playing guitar. I have been playing guitar for the past four years.
Great detail to include if you applying to a music school.
I still learned important lessons like time management; I learned that I would fail if I did not put in the appropriate amount of time for schoolwork outside of the classroom. I learned that classes could be interesting and exciting to attend when the teacher is passionate about what they are teaching. I learned that being surrounded by students who are also passionate about what they are learning helps me to become passionate about learning.
Anyone who goes to school learns these lessons. I don't care about this. Neither will the admissions people. Say something important and different about who you are instead.
And so on.
