The day you were born was the best day of my life: Common App

This is my commonapp essay. I was wondering if it shows what kind of person I am, and whether it fits the admission officer's bills?

Topic 6: Topic of your own choice

A letter to my son.

Dear Son,

How are you? I hope life is treating you gently. Firstly, let me apologise for not being there with you, but life doesn't always let you make the decisions. Sometimes, it takes matters into its own hands.

Son, I would have given anything to watch you grow up. I would have liked nothing more than to give you piggyback rides and to tell you stories before you went to sleep. And when you grew older, I would have loved to give you advice on your first crush. There are so many things I wanted to do with you, son.

You have your entire life ahead of you, and I want to be there with you as much as possible. Thus, this small attempt from beyond to give you some directions as you step into reality,into adulthood.

Everyone is eternally indebted to one person after he is born, and you are too. It's your mother. Your mother is the most wonderful person I have ever come across and I thanked God every second for letting me be her man. She is an angel, son. And, I cannot imagine the suffering she went through to bring you up all by herself. You have to promise me that she won't have a single moment of sadness. She deserves all the happiness in the world and more! Listen to her, and give her all she wants; you'll feel a divine serenity while doing so.

We have a presumed idea that strength of a person is defined by his physical strength or his influence on others.But I disagree. A person's strength is defined by his character, his ideologies and his actions. Most of us can accrete physical strength through stringent excercises or through chemicals, but how many of us can tame their anger when affronted? Very few, my son. Anger gives rise to all that is wrong with the world: hatred,revenge,carelessness and irresponsibility. Learn to curb your anger and you will have achieved the greatest of all achievements! Do not let anger control you. Next time someone ticks you off, close your eyes and remember your old man's words, and then give the guy your sweetest smile.

In life you will go through failures more often than success. You must learn to accept defeat with humility and learn to pick yourself up. Never let your ego stop you from identifying your errors and scrutinizing them. Take on the next challenge with a reborn avidity. Always remember,life is not solely about your achievements and success; it's about being happy. And, happiness is a choice.

The day you were born was the best day of my life.I wished every second that I would get a little more time with you. Winston Churchill once said, "All the great things are simple,and many can be expressed in single words: freedom,justice,honor,duty,mercy,hope." I hold this qoute dear to my heart. I hope you do too.

Take care of yourself son and know that I love you- even in death.

Sincerely,
Dad

Is this a letter you imagine that your father would have written to you, or is it a letter that you imagine writing to your future son? It's creative and well-written, but this letter sounds like some kind of suicide note and it sounds a little personal to be used as an admissions essay. You want this essay to talk about YOU so the focus has to be you now, not speculating on your future family and future memories.

This is me giving advice to my son, assuming I will not be able to be with my son when he grows up(disease maybe?).This is NOT a suicide note. In a nutshell, this essay shows which aspects of life I hold dear myself and therefore want to pass on to my child. I hope it clears the air a little? And thank you so much for your feedback :D

It does clear the air, thanks! It's a unique format, but you don't want readers to be confused about why you would have imagined yourself dying while your future son was still a baby/young child.

Your essay says a lot about your values but nothing about who you are why you are the way you are. What experiences made you feel so strongly about anger or determination?

That's an extremely creative way to share your values, but I do agree with the previous poster that you should explain what situations have led you to these beliefs.

THANK YOU BOTH! I think it's time to back to my table and re write this.

I have a few more questions. Can I exceed the 500 word limit? If so, how much? Lastly, should I scrap away the whole letter format, or try to integrate the stories into the format? Thank you