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Deaf at Age 5-UF Admissions Essay


cyclechick7 1 / 2  
Oct 13, 2010   #1
Imagine your life as a deaf person, unable to hear, surrounded by a sea of faces and mobile mouths forming words beyond comprehension. Try as you might to make sense of the world around you, you feel as if you are an illegal alien, trapped in a country where people are oblivious to your silent cry for help. Although I was only five when this incident occurred, I will never forget how life altering it truly was, and remember that each day as a healthy individual is a gift to be cherished.

The summer of 1998 should've been a happy one, yet for me it was nightmarish. It all began with an innocent twinge in my ears while driving to gymnastics. Because it didn't hurt, I dismissed it a minor inconvenience and ran off to play. When I woke up the next morning, I instantly knew something was amiss. The pain in my ears was so horrible I began to sob, and was shocked when I couldn't hear myself crying. Almost instantly, I was transported to the ENT'S office, where my doctor peered inside my ears to find the problem. Although I couldn't hear what was said, I knew the prognosis was grim and I was in danger of losing my hearing permanently. I was immediately scheduled for surgery that Friday.

When I awoke from anesthesia, my ears were filled with a celestial music. I opened my eyes, discovering my mother and a crowd of doctors praying over me. Elated at the return of my hearing, I spoke aloud-"That music is beautiful Mommy! Where is it coming from?" The doctors cheered, and I was told later that during my operation, my ENT had nearly lost hope that I would ever hear normally. That day was truly a miracle, and I will never forget the heavenly music I heard.

My experience was profound, teaching me to never take anything for granted. From that day forward, every sound made an impact on me, and I began to pay attention to the things that truly mattered in life, like character. As a result of the incident, I learned to play the flute and be part of a marching band, inspired by the music I'd heard. For my coming days at UF, the experience has provided me the empathy needed to associate with deaf students and share my story. It has also helped grow my character, and aid me with kindness to my peers, as well as strengthening my tolerance for new trials I will face in my upcoming college years. On campus, I hope to become an ambassador for the deaf and be an example to other students in all my actions. It is my dream to pursue a degree in health sciences and enter the UF College of Medicine where I may someday discover a cure for deafness. By attending UF, I will fulfill my lifelong dream to become an ENT, just like the doctors who saved my hearing so long ago.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 16, 2010   #2
Imagine your life as a deaf person, unable to hear, surrounded by a sea of faces and mobile mouths forming words beyond comprehension.

You are skilled at writing, and these are some very nicely constructed sentences and paragraphs. You tell the story well, but I have a feeling it would be better if the story was condensesto take up only half the amount of sentences. You can omit many of the details. The important thing is to move on to include a RELATED topic involving something that happened when you were a bit older -- something else that compelled you toward your chosen field.

And this is not quite right ...I may someday discover a cure for deafness. There are various causes, so it seems too simplistic to say "cure for deafness," but you can say something more general about empowering people to overcome disabilities.

I hope that helps!!
OP cyclechick7 1 / 2  
Oct 24, 2010   #3
Thank you! I will make the needed changes.


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