This essay focuses on how my personal experience gives me an interest in the major of business management.1500 words
English was not my first language so please forgive me if I made a mistake. This essay is well over 1500s so I was going to cut it down, but I thought I'll get some opinion on it before I cut it down. Any suggestions is much appreciated.
Thank you very much for your help :)
"Is that a deal?" "It's a deal." Surviving in a household devoted to the conduct of business, these are two phrases that I have not only had the pleasures of hearing, but also of saying them. This was the intended result of an unofficial profession I carries, as it turns out, that started at a much younger age than expected. My immigrant parents, true businessman at heart, finds themselves with a strange deficiency for the language called English, and therefore was incapable to carry out their business ambitions. Being unable to resolve this little issue, my parent, still ambitious as ever, turns for help from me, their one and only son, the sole English-speaking "proprietor," and the only person they truly trust. Thus, instead of carrying dirty trays at McDonald, or hanging undergarments at GAP, this not-so-typical-seventeen-year-old teenager took a headfirst dive into the world of dealing and managing. This set up was neither a shock nor displeasure for me since I've grew up in an environment where the term "maximizing profit" was a hotly debated topic around the family dinner table. I started out small, conducting pedantic and cyclical rituals such as paying bills, and then slowly promoted higher jobs such as applying and canceling contracts. I must admit, though, that even starting out small, the first few times did manage to twinge my nerves. Nevertheless, not only did I pull through, but I began, slowly, to develop a real and genuine interest in the field of business, and hopes that one day I can experience enough to truly understand what makes the world go round.
You had a couple of run on sentences.
My immigrant parents, true businessman at heart, finds themselves with a strange deficiency for the language called English, and therefore was incapable to carry out their business ambitions.
Immigrant parents = plural.
Business man = singular.
Make sure your words match.
I HOPE, not I HOPES.
Overall, good essay. Just be wary of grammar mistakes. : )
