I always look forward for your essays as they are fresh and very "different".
First Para:
1) I really liked your theme. This is not conventional parent and or some famous personality thing which makes it an interesting read. Yet your beginning is not intriguing like the Katrina essay. Some memory or your thoughts on him would be a better start than his description. Not much. Just a line or son and then copy paste what you have written..
Second Para:
For years, I had worried and taken into account of what people thought about me and what I did.
Great! So true. Yes, we are swayed by others.
But the next line..."I snapped..." A little abrupt. As for me, I have still trouble in admitting my love for animals because of fear of being tagged as a sissy. So, we do things without letting others know. That would be more powerful, I think.
He is just an average person, and so am I.
Awesome line. You have connected the two things.
I am so shocked that he did not let this get to him
Shocked??? I think that would not be the word. We usually blank out you know, feel numb and "wonder"... Maybe that would be more effective.
I appreciate everything I have: my family, health, and home. His battle with cancer has taught me to not expect everything to last forever. I cherish every second I have on this earth and the interactions I have with others, both good and bad.
It has made me realize that family, health and home are things we take for granted in our life. I realized it could happen to anyone... my parents, my relatives or even me. I have realized my priorities in life need to be worked on.... so on, I think would be better.
Only a select few people can actually say they are, miraculously, cancer survivors. I figure if he can be so strong as to overcome his encounter with cancer, then I can do anything I set my mind to. This is my life, and I cannot let anything else control it except for me.
After seeing Andrew McMahon and all that he has gone through, there is nothing I can expect to happen
I think this needs more soulful lines. Something about how his story made you... more hopeful and wanting make the most of every second in your life. You can work it out...
Hope this helps... :)
PS: Are you applying Texas Austin? All your topics are same. So wanted to know.