Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"My dear Roommate", Babson Undergraduate Essay (SE)


sarach 1 / -  
Mar 14, 2010   #1
January, 2010
Dear Roommate,
Before I start writing about myself, I have to mention how privileged we are for having the opportunity to be part of the Babson College Community. We've reached the end of an amazing 14 year trip called High School, and now our job is to open a new door and start taking advantage of the new opportunities, with the same hard and distinctive work we are known by.

Today, I'm sitting in my farm, and as I look around I realize how proud I feel to be Colombian. As I think what characterizes a person from my country, I discover the parallelism there is between Colombia and I; we are both unique. With the same nationalism I have for my country and the strong similarities there is between, it was clear to me the kind of college I was looking for. My starting point for choosing the right college was uniqueness, further on the road, it was up to me to take the decision on what was I willing to give college for it to become the perfect and most important trip in my life.

As I read though the brochures, heard many visitors and was half by my senior year, I decided Babson College would be the right place to begin my adventure, and reaching my goals. It is not only the best Entrepreneur school in the United States, but it offers each student a unique life experience in the concentration area they decide to explore. On the other hand I was aware that I had to be far away from my family, which actually is kind of hard because I have such an amazing relationship with my parents and little brother. But as adventurous as I am, I was aware that it would be a mistake; missing such an exciting and unique experience.

I am writing to you my dear Roommate, to invite you to share significant moments of our college life. I promise you would never be bored. I would teach you all about Latin American culture and Colombia, and I'm thrilled to get to know all about yours. Also, I can't wait to share different perspectives on the business world, maybe one day we could work together managing big projects. I hope that while you are reading my letter you are able to imagine how cheerful I am. I love to learn, ask question and enriched myself with knowledge and adventures of those who have learned things I have not yet arrived to. My perspective about life is all about living in a multi-cultural environment, but at the same time learning how to balance a globalized world, without it influencing your roots.

A general everyday with me would be filled with words, I love to talk and when I don't agree with something you would most likely hear from me. I believe in expressing my ideas and tolerating others but when I don't agree I would debate it. I'm not perfect so I might as well mention one of the weaknesses I'm working on. Since I've been participating in the Model United Nations of my school I have learned of how to become diplomatic, using the appropriate words for the correct moment, and identifying when the right time to make an intervention has arrived.

My dear Roommate, even though I haven't met you yet, I promise I would try to be next to you whenever you feel upset and happy. I would respect your environment and hopefully you will mine. We would soon meet and as time passes we would share our first similarity, being part of such wonderful community like Babson's.

By the way I never mentioned my name; I am S.A, Babson student class 2014.

djanat 19 / 29  
Mar 14, 2010   #2
hello
i noticed some mistakes:
"....14 years..." ,always write the numbers in letters "....fourteen years..."
2- "...some hard...." it is wrong to say some hard , because "hard" is an djective , you can use "efforts".

3-you have to learn when you use the present , the past , there are a lot of your sentences that gather the present continuous, the past...

4- there are some incomplete sentences such as"...I love to learn..." to learn what?

5- " ....without it influencing your roots..." , "...a general every day with me....", "..you will mine..."i did not understand them.

6- " ...when i don't agree with something..." wrong \.... AGREE WITH SOMEONE ...

sara you have all the capacity to write and express your self very well in english. it is good to have a lot of ideas but you should organize them( you have talked about you then about your country , to your roommate then about you again).writing is not as speaking.when you write put your emotions away. i know it is hard but you have to do it in order to improve your writing. always make a plan to your writing(

introduction
...
...
...
conclusion

when you follow your plan , you will know from where you begin and about what you whould talk or write . you must use the ideas that are in coordination.don't talk about every things

pay attention to your gramma.

good luck
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 15, 2010   #3
With the same nationalism I have for my country and the strong similarities there is between, it was clear to me the kind of college I was looking for.

"Nationalism" is not such a good word to use in recent years. I think "patriotism" has better connotations, but nationalism is often used to refer to a destructive force in human nature.

As I read though the brochures, heard many visitors and was halfway through my senior year, I decided Babson College would be the right place to begin my adventure, and reaching my goals. It is not only ...

I love to learn, ask questions, and enrich myself with knowledge and adventures of from those who have learned things I have not yet experienced. arrived to .

An ordinary general everyday day with me would be filled with words; I love to talk, and when I don't agree with something you would most likely hear from me. I believe in expressing my ideas and tolerating others but when I don't agree I would debate it.

Don't capitalize roommate:
My dear roommate, even though I haven't met you yet, I promise I would will try to be next to you whenever you feel upset and unhappy . I would will respect your environment and hopefully you will mine.

Nice!!
peacelovesarah 5 / 11  
Mar 26, 2010   #4
I thought talking about Babson in the first sentence was a bit too cliche. But other than that, I liked this- it gave a sense of who you are and where you come from! Good luck!


Home / Undergraduate / "My dear Roommate", Babson Undergraduate Essay (SE)