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Death or life, angels or power of demon cannot separate us, no - Cedarville University short essays


Davidsgjang59 1 / -  
Dec 23, 2014   #1
Questions:

1. Do the essays provide what the readers want from me through the essay prompts?
2. Please check my poor grammar.
3. Is there anything has to be eliminated or added?

Cedarville University (Personal History)
Please answer the following questions. They are not designed to be essay questions, so answer briefly.

Describe when and how you came to accept the gift of eternal life.
Starting from my mother's womb, I have followed the Christian methods after my Christian parents. I felt like a robot at church and did only what was told to do without any spiritual connection with God. It was not until my life became totally different after a Christian camp, Heart Coaching, that I have participated for three months after graduating middle school.

Heart Coaching is a regularly held cell group program every Friday and Saturday. During its chapel services, I served as a singer in a worship team. Though I supposed to be a good example in worshipping God in the Spirit and in Truth, I was just uttering the lyrics out in a musical tone. It was near the end of April when a change occurred. I was singing as usual, and the song was "Love So Great." "Love so great, dying on the cavalry. Risen to redeem our sins. Jesus Christ my king. Your love endures forever more. Death or life, angels or power of demon cannot separate us, no. Faithful and true, unending love Jesus Christ my king." Suddenly, tears began running down my cheeks. I felt the love of God pouring down on me and was overwhelmed.

For the first time in my life, I realized how sinful I am. In spite of that, "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16 claims. The eternal life with Him is such a great gift from God. Based on Romans 3:25a, "God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood - to be received by faith," I firmly believe the power of Jesus' blood that reconciliates me back to God and provides the only way for an eternal life with Him. Now I am living an eternal life that I know Him, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom He have sent - John 17:3.

(330 words)

Using 2-3 Scripture references, explain how one becomes a believer in Jesus Christ.
The Bible, in Romans 6:23, says that every person has sinned and the wages of sin is death. However, Jesus was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised again for our justification (Romans 4:25). Therefore, whoever declares with their mouth that Jesus is Lord, and has faith in the heart that God raised him from the dead will be saved from God's judgment (Romans 10:9-10).

(68 words)

What in your life indicates you are walking with the Lord?
My parents, who are both Christian leaders, have taught me since childhood what was pleasing to God. Growing up, I did not get to do everything my friends got to do, but now I look back at these restrictions with a thankful heart. My parents encouraged me to pray and enjoy spending time with God. Through my daily devotional discipline, I learned to communicate with God and know Him better. This discipline has been very helpful to me, especially during the time I was in India where I was confronted by people of different religions. My devotional life became a path God used for me to gain great comfort and encouragement when I was having difficulties adjusting to a new culture. In the end, I got to realize that I am walking with God in my whole life. It made me think of how I can worship God.

As a student leader of KCIS Media and a drummer in the KCIS Gospel Band, God has always inspired me to do my best. I always began the KCIS Media weekly meeting with prayer God to be with us while not only projecting, but living from day to day. As a drummer of KCIS Gospel Band, I surrendered my drumming to the guidance of God. The worship songs were always in beautiful harmony.

(221 words)

State why you would like to attend Cedarville.
We all have our own goals and I am no different. It is my goal to change the world through media. I believe Cedarville University can give me the tools I need to make an impact on society through the Broadcasting and Digital Media Department.

I strongly believe that God has gifted me within this field. I want to be the person who is used to bring the kingdom of God through the medium of media. Therefore, I am looking to become a member of Cedarville University's Broadcasting and Digital Media Department. I believe that the most important thing is to base all of our media productions on Christian fundamentals, because the field of media is exposed to many secular temptations.

I believe Cedarville University has good Christian foundation. Cedarville University has the same Christian ideals and values as its affiliated university, Handong Global University-the best Christian university in South Korea.

For these reasons, I trust in the ideas and values that Cedarville University has and provides. Cedarville University is my preferred university of choice.
(176 words)

breeskness 2 / 11 2  
Dec 23, 2014   #2
I haven't finished reading, but from what i can its good - I will point out that I am not religious, so Im doing my best with what I know !

I'll start with Grammar,

You could try changing

Starting from my mother's womb, I have followed the Christian methods after my Christian parents.

to something more : From the moment of my creation, I adopted the Christian faith, following my parents principles.

I felt like a robot at church and did only what was told to do without any spiritual connection with God. It was not until my life became totally different after a Christian camp, Heart Coaching, that I have participated for three months after graduating middle school.

I felt mindless, like a robot blindly following with the faintest spiritual connection to God, However this all changed when i attended a (what kind) christian camp, and participated in Heart coaching. I then found the heart of God, and he found me.

Though I supposed to be a good example in worshipping God in the Spirit and in Truth, I was just uttering the lyrics out in a musical tone.

Though supposed I was supposed to be setting an example of Christian faith,

I don't know if it's how you would write, but maybe try adding some colour and differing sentence structures to your writing, give the admissions officers something they smile cant forget !

Maybe try and flesh out the first prompt too, decrease the length of those quotes, shorter quotes are more effective and maintain flow in the piece, which if lacking slightly at this point

Its a touching story, but what directly made you realise you were sinful, why are those specific quotes there? explain their inclusion like you would a route from a novel in an analytical essay

This discipline has been very helpful to me, especially during the time I was in India where I was confronted by people of different religions.

This skill proved imperative on my trip to India, where I was confronted directly by different religions and denominations different to my own.

My devotional life became a path God used for me to gain great comfort and encouragement when I was having difficulties adjusting to a new culture. In the end, I got to realize that I am walking with God in my whole life. It made me think of how I can worship God.

My devotion kept me strong, and compassionate enabling me to feel comfortable and adjust to another culture, which made me realise how I am truly walking with God. How this compassion was given to me to deal with this situation, and my worship of God led to a greater understanding.

not entirely sure if you like these revisions, its just a guide, do revise the piece though, try to establish a clear point you are making and flow rather than a few sentences that prove your faith.


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