Hey! I wrote two different versions so be as critical and brutal as you can. Thanks!!!
Prompt: Topic of your choice.
Death by Play-Dough
It only takes a second to change one's life forever. Well, how about two hours?
About three years ago, my cousins and I went swimming at a public pool. It was one of those nice scorching hot summer days where running around bare foot would provide for future giant, painful blisters. The pool was invitingly warm however, before jumping in myself, I noticed that my younger cousins had all stuffed play-dough in their ears to prevent any water from leaking inside. I always had a wonderful time in the shower trying to get the feeling of being underwater out of my ears and thus, I followed suit. For some reason though, I would have to repeatedly push the play dough more firmly into my ears before it would stick and actually serve its purpose. It got to the point where I forgot about the problem altogether. When we had all showered and cleaned up, I realized my hearing was still muffled. I had thought there was only water in my ears so when I got home to take out the water, it was a surprise when a wet blob of red play dough came out instead. I almost cried out of embarrassment and horror. For the next fifteen minutes, I sat with a bobby pin trying to pry out every little piece stuck in my ears. Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn't reach that far into my ear canal. I gave up and lived with the possibility of a loss of hearing forever, for I did not tell my parents.
Last month, while volunteering at Kaiser Permanente, one of the radiology techs, William, was discussing with me that he was unsure about a question on something called cholesteatoma during his test for his certification in radiology. When we researched on it, we found that extraneous amounts of oils and dead skin cells can become a cyst, which is a result of an infection. That brought me back to that playful summer when I had inadvertently put play dough in my ear and was a little frightened by the thought of an infection in my ear. I asked William to look up whether that infection, if left untreated over a period of time, could turn into something greater. What we found was a possibility of having ear cancer. One in my position may have been horrified at the possibility of having a foreign object rotting in their ear, slowly mutating into cancerous cells. My reaction was a simple smile. I had lived my life and even if my days were numbered, I would still have college to look forward to as I study medicine or possibly international relations from a political and economic point of view. Although, there was still the matter of telling my parents.
It turned out that I was taken to a specialist to be given an accurate diagnosis. I was ready for the news and my mother was beside me praying for my safety. I told her not to worry and joked with her that at least now she would not have to put up with anymore last minute tales of risk-related behavior, which I had a tendency for. Presently, she did not find my humorous mood at all fitting but in truth, I was a little nervous myself. The doctor came in to look at my ears and give the verdict as I retold my story. To both my mother's and my own surprise, he found nothing. I was shocked. I had almost expected to literally be given a death sentence. When I finally awoke to the reality that I may still be able to live a promised life like that of every other "normal" student, I let out a sigh of relief. That is when I truly understood how close I came to losing everything due to something as trivial as mishandling play dough.
It was a moment of self-awareness; that I had a purpose to fulfill in this lifetime, and that was to stay steadfast in my goals. I had initially made up my mind about not straying from my resolve to succeed in life despite any hardships that may have befallen me, however, unconsciously I thought of myself as something inferior because I believed that I had a physical defect. It's difficult and odd to say but I always felt that I was not going to do well because I couldn't hear as well as I potentially could ever since that reckless incident three years ago. I always sort of pitied myself in that sense whenever I failed and some of that self-pity tied into my failures. Should I fail, I would not blame myself but rather, see it as inevitable because surely, it wasn't my fault I failed that test because I didn't study for that exam. It wasn't my fault that I had to stop in a race because I hadn't stretched beforehand. It wasn't my fault if I had ear cancer because I waited three years to tell my parents. It was inevitable and therefore, I could not do my best because it was not my fault. It took almost a near death experience to realize how childish and immature I was being. I now appreciate every opportunity I have to put my best foot forward and see the outcome as a justified result of my actions. My dream of someday becoming a traveling doctor and a part of the humanitarian organization Doctors Without Borders to help cure the poverty-stricken will be the epitome of my efforts to succeed in college.
Prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Acceptance Through Dance
I have always heard that heterogeneity in any given population is destined for disaster. With such a diverse group of people come issues such as race, ethnicity and social status that tend to further divide society. In other words, being different means that one is susceptible to prejudice and that separates them from the already "diverse" crowd versus a population of people who is generally the same, considering their backgrounds. However, that very uniqueness is what brings people together.
My freshman year was when I was first exposed to the annual Multi-Cultural Assembly that our high school holds. The coordinator, my AVID teacher, was in charge of finding student judges for the afterschool auditions held to determine which of the numerous groups of kids trying out will have a spot in the show. She chose me to be one of the judges during the auditions and I was honored for the part. On the first day, I was surprised by the enthusiasm of the colorful groups performing their cultural dances. Everyone was laughing and having fun backstage getting ready to perform and cheered when it was their friends' turn to dance. It was a very light and fun environment to be in. It is really important to me to point out this fact; that the kids were getting along well despite their differences in culture or what they were representing. Our school does not always carry the best reputation in the county however; it's because of these events that bring people together that promote the whole idea of unity amongst society, regardless of any differences that may exist.
This initial experience with the Multi-Cultural Assembly inspired me to gather my own friends to represent the Indian/Fijian group because until then, the school did not have many Asian Indians or Fijian Indians attending Pittsburg High. I decided to take responsibility and show the school the Bollywood style of dance. This is when I experienced the joy of being able to express myself to a large number of people all at one time. It is similar to the motivation that one feels when he/she goes onto "So You Think You Can Dance" or "America's Best Dance Crew" to prove their skills and be appreciated by the general public for it. For myself and all the kids who perform, our motivation is to show the school and community our culture. The dancers take the diversity of Pittsburg High School and throw it back to the audience of parents, students and teachers alike like cold water, waking up everyone's senses to the fact that we can get along in such a diverse community. It's a heartwarming scene at the end of the performance when Pittsburg's future generation of successful stories get onstage and wave the American flag in the name of liberty. The audience cheers and claps for the great display of diversity and comradeship; it feels as if the they truly learned a lesson in appreciating their children and the symbolism they created.
In the end, the multi-cultural is like a potluck, where everyone brings their own dish to the table to share with one another in the spirit of enjoying a meal together. In the same way, diversity allows for a community to have people of various backgrounds to come together to share in their differences and better understand one another by appreciating those differences in morals and beliefs.
Well, I actually read the first essay, but halfway through the second one I gave up. Just hinting to you which one grabbed my interest.
If you're going with the first one, I recommend you print it and completely re-write it, looking for any phrases you could shorten or combine, or for sentences you could leave out altogether. Remember to stick mainly to what's completely necessary. The conclusion is also a tad confusing, and although I understand what you were saying, it looks like your thoughts were messily placed down. What are you trying to say? Stick to that.
"It only takes a second to change one's life forever. Well, how about two hours?" <- love this, haha
I agree the first one is interesting and is unique whereas the 2nd is more of a generic (abt diverse cultures). I also loved the first line of "Death..." :)
But you should definitely condense some parts, may be from the 1st and 2nd para?
From different websites I looked at 800 words seemed like a max..
Since you did a topic of choice ques, can I ask you something?
I am also doing a topic of choice, what do you think about starting with a quote from a book and then writing an essay?
