Hello everybody. I am an international student, going to apply to the US universities. I have read lots of this site's essays and yoru help, and I really like them... It would be good if you help me with my some essays of common application.. Thanks in advance.
Nowadays, in order to be competitive and fulfil your desires, you have to be able to easily communicate with all kinds of people around you. I started debating when I was in secondary school. I liked to discuss different topics with my classmates and elaborate my own points of view for the different topics. When I started my high school, I seriously involved in debating; started to participate in school debate team and we won competition within schools in our town.This experience broadened my knowledge, it helped me to become even more confident. I belive theI am a debater in the college debate club. Even though I am a beginner, I love and enjoy it. From my perspective debating is an art of organizing and delivering thoughts quickly and effectively in order to change people's perception. It not only broadens one's knowledge but also develops problem solving skills, analytical thinking, and ability to work in a team and interact with other students. ability to deliver ideas concisely is important for economists, what I am majoring in. I planning to continue and experience debating in university life.
The following is a grammatically-revised version of the draft you posted.
Nowadays, in order to be competitive and fulfill your desires, you have to be able to easily communicate with all kinds of people around you. I started debating when I was in secondary school. I liked to discuss different topics with my classmates and elaborate on my own points of view. When I started my high school, I became seriously involved in debating; I started to participate in the school debate team and we won competitions against other schools in our town.This experience broadened my knowledge, and helped me to become even more confident. I plan to become a debater in the college debate club. Even though I am a beginner, I love and enjoy it. From my perspective debating is the art of organizing and delivering thoughts quickly and effectively in order to change people's perception. It not only broadens one's knowledge but also develops problem solving skills, analytical thinking skills, and the ability to work in a team and interact with other students. The ability to deliver ideas concisely is important in economics, which is what I plan on majoring in. I planning to continue debating throughout my university career.
While the above is smoother grammatically, you could still revise for style and content to make this essay stronger. For instance, if you could give specific examples of how debating has broadened your knowledge and developed your problem solving skills, that would make the essay more interesting.
Thank you, Sean...
The following is how debates made an influence on me and I think, should I write an examples in events or just in common like the following.. Because there must be just 150 words or fewer and mine also has 190 words. With the following it will have 283 words... Please, take a look on it:
Firstly, I have learnt to deliver my ideas clearly and demonstrate the position by facts and events; Secondly, while I was preparing for debates, I found out new information to different topics which made me more advanced in knowledge; Debates developed in me human values like self-confidence, independence, sense of purpose and fellowship in group; they also made me realize that every problem has its ways of solving, and not only one; choose just one of them by a rich analysis and make everybody to have no doubt of your side;
Firstly, I have learnt to deliver my ideas clearly and support my position with facts and statistics . Secondly, while I was preparing for debates, I discovered new information about various topics, and this made me more advanced in knowledge. Debates developed in me human values like self-confidence, independence, sense of purpose and fellowship in group; they also made me realize that every problem can be solved in multiple ways. By choosing just one of them and giving a rich analysis, and I can make everybody share my point of view!
