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"I decided to volunteer in the hospital" - IB school


jakubi194 1 / 2  
Mar 20, 2011   #1
chao, well since the deadline is rushing I really need ur help to revise this draft. hope to receive ur comments soon.
Topic: Please write an essay of not more than 200 words about your most favorite saying and explain why you like it.

The way you look at simple things determines how you live your life. Winston Churchill once said "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty". I'm definitely not a pessimist but I am not yet an optimist. Like many teenagers, I sometimes scare of making decisions, of exposing my true colours: myself. But I do love reading book and what I have read about Helen Keller turned my page. What she said that one should "always look to the sun and you will never see the shadow" is logically and figuratively meaning to me. It changed my life.

Last year, I decided to volunteer in the hospital. With the main goal of learning more about cancers, what I received was so much more. I met a 10 years old boy- Hai Dang, who can't goes outside to feel the breezy wind of the summer. I saw the glow and tears on a mother's face when she know her sick daughter can read. I learnt a lot from them: simply from how to smile while being injected to do a magic trick.

I enjoyed that project so much as those kids'upbeat energy and delighting smiles defines who I am. With, the glass is always half full as I know exactly how to always look at the sun without being dazzled: being optimistic.
deco1919805 1 / 3  
Mar 20, 2011   #2
Like many teenagers, I sometimes scare(am scared of ) of making decisions, of exposing my true colours...
... is logically and figuratively meaning(meaningful ?) to me.
I met a 10 years old boy- Hai Dang, who can't goes (couldn't go ) outside to feel ...
I saw the glow and tears on a mother's face when she know (knew) her sick daughter can(was finally able to read) read.

I enjoyed that project so much as those kids'upbeat energy and delighting smiles defines who I am (quite awkward,you should rewrite this). With (As for me) , the glass is always half full as I know exactly ...
OP jakubi194 1 / 2  
Mar 20, 2011   #3
Thank you, but I don't know how to cut down some words since it's too over the word limits I think there is something wrong w/ it but I can't find.
jakubi - / 1  
Mar 20, 2011   #4
i recently make this chance please review it for me thanks!

The way you look at simple things determines how you behave and live your life I'm definitely not a pessimist but I'm not yet an optimistic one. Like many teenagers, I am sometimes afraid of making decisions, of exposing my true colours: myself. But I do love reading book and what I have read about Helen Keller turned my page. What she said that one should "always look to the sun and you will never see the shadow" is logically and figuratively meaningful to me. It changed my life.

Last year, I decided to volunteer in the hospital. With the aim of learning more about cancers, what I received was so much more. I met a 10 years old boy- Hai Dang, who can't go outside to feel the breezy wind of the summer. I saw the glow and tears on a mother's face when she knew her sick daughter was finally able to read. I learnt a lot from them: simply from how to smile while being injected to how to look at the sun without being dazzled.

With me, the glass is always half full as I know exactly how to always look at the sun without being dazzled: being optimistic.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 23, 2011   #5
You need a period at the end of the first sentence:
The way you look at simple things determines how you behave and live your life. I'm definitely ...

But I do love reading books, and what I have read about Helen Keller turned my page. What she said, that one should, "always look to the sun and you will never see the shadow," is logically ...

and figuratively meaningful to me. It changed my life.-----This part is excellent.

I learnt a lot from them: simply from how to smile while being receiving an injection, or how to look at the sun without being dazzled.

Nice!!


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