Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
220-500 words
We need people to call for legislation, like the stalled DREAM Act, that would provide undocumented students with a real path towards college and citizenship. Undocumented students pursuing a higher education are not asking to be given anything; they only yearn to receive the same opportunities as other students. While the federal law guarantees undocumented students a free public K-12 education, after high school they face enormous barriers that make it nearly impossible to continue pursuing a higher education.
Every day, as I walk to class, as I enter the combination to open my locker, I don't see undocumented students or U.S. citizens, I just see students. It is important to me that they receive the same opportunities as I have because there is no difference between us; we are both students reaching for a higher education. They too wish to attend a prestigious university, they too wish to pull their family out of poverty, they too wish for a better future. Even though there is no law that prohibits the admission of undocumented students to U.S. colleges, financial limitations are enough to prevent them from thinking about college. It is crucial for people to be aware of the decisions concerning the DREAM Act, because with this bill, these undocumented students can dream of a future that includes college.
The DREAM Act has remained on the sidelines since 2001. That is a total of eleven years; eleven years that these college-ready undocumented students have been biting their nails and pulling their hair out, anticipating for the bill to finally be passed. I realized that in order for the DREAM Act to be passed, it is going to take millions of voices to help these undocumented students be heard. Just recently, I created a blog called: "Estudiante, اŮداعس, ĺŚç", student...does it matter? We are all students, aren't we?" I created this blog with a goal to raise awareness about the issue of undocumented students receiving a higher education. I thought that perhaps my blog could help pass the DREAM Act or it could be an additional voice that will influence others to help undocumented students receive a higher education with the same opportunities as other students. Even though I currently have no subscribers, I will be persistent with my blogging until I receive my first subscriber, then until I reach my tenth, then until I reach my hundredth; I won't stop until this injustice has ended.
Once the DREAM Act is passed, these students will be able to succeed academically, despite seemingly insurmountable financial and legal barriers. If the United States of America is still the land of equality, then the DREAM act is a piece of it.
I'm with you! Go dream act :) Totally going to find your blog.
K, my critiques are not with your prose (which is fine) but actually with the essay as a whole.
You have written a persuasive essay, and on that front I think that it would be advisable you spend a little more time addressing what the dream act is. Also, in any persuasive essay, it is important to address the thinking of the oppositions viewpoint. Why has the dream act been stalled? In order to write a truly persuasive essay, you must present more than one side of the issue.
And as for the fact that it is a persuasive essay. I did some research on what college admissions officers (and the common app) are looking for in your essay. It turns out, they are more interested in a personal essay than a persuasive one. Whether or not you believe in the dream act is probably not going to get you into college, and you probably not going to convince the admissions officer to think one way or another: they already have an opinion. They don't care about the facts about the Dream Act, they want to get to know you. You might want to think about focusing more on a personal story describing how you came to be such an adamant supporter of the act, a time when you questioned your commitment, or go into more details about your blog experience. This will allow the essay-readers to get to know you and here about your opinions.
Hello,
I think this is a good essay and builds off of the theme that it really does start with just one passionate person. With that said, a major factor your essay is lacking is your personal though. You make general statements, but you never flush out why this is important to you personally. Remember this prompt is asking you about an issue of importance to you. Because of this, you need to really state why you have taken up such a plight. -AAO
Hope this helps
