Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read this essay. This is my first college essay and I'm still slightly confused about whether or not I can use this for my application. I just wrote what I was in my head at the time because I felt very passionately about it and took advantage of the 'you may write on any subject you choose.' part of my prompt. Could anyone please tell me if this is appropriate or not?
Thank you!
All other applicants: You may write about why you are interested in your choice of major or you may write on any subject you choose.
Deep Red Sea
"Oh no, please don't go." "Why not?" "Just stay with me." "Why?" "Because I need you." I sit, I walk and all I am capable of doing is think of him. Through the broken glass, I see a dark silhouette; a shadow that I know isn't him, yet I desperately wish to believe that it is. Is it a sort of obsolete fascination with the past or is it a mere fragment of my delirious imagination? What it is, I do not know.
Time and time again, these obscene memories gush through my veins and inevitably inundate my heart. I see myself drowning in thoughts that I formerly believed to have left behind. I am helpless. I contemplate screaming, but when I open my mouth, I do not hear a thing. For a moment, I think that I have lost my voice but quickly found that it isn't so. I realize then that I did not want to save myself and I engrossed myself in those very memories that I have strived to run away from. I cannot breathe, but the unbearable pain I feel is suddenly beautiful to me. I recognize the feeling, I know that I should struggle to escape but instead, I close my eyes and let myself be. I do not question where I am, not even why this has happened to me. I do not question Fate. I do not ask for meaning. I do not ask to be saved. It was unavoidable, I knew that. I was chosen.
With my bruised, burning eyes, I still see him. He did not leave, yet he did not help me. I bleed through my eyes as he stood there by the door, I saw him on the shattered pieces of mirror on the floor. He thought that I could not see him, he thought that he has already finished me. The ghost of his scathing smile begins to haunt me as I attempt to look away.
Again, I realize how horrifyingly intoxicating the feeling is. It is an addiction, something I cannot stop. I hear the beats of my sweltering heart growing louder and louder with the increasing pain. I am paralyzed from head to toe. But I do not mind at all so I fervently immerse myself in the dark glory of it all.
Then, all of a sudden, I see a light, an incredible white light. And I said to him, "Please let me go" but I look around to see that he has already turned to dust. I see no dark silhouette and I see no broken glass. And now I know, the time has finally come for me to let go. What it was, I still don't know.
In life, some lessons we learn are forgotten and some shape up the way we live our lives. This particular one has taught me right from wrong and consequently taught me about myself. Now I open my eyes to new possibilities and I truly understand the meaning of the phrase, "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" and that is how I live life and I will do anything to succeed because I know, now, that I can do anything.
In a novel, dialogue involves paragraph breaks, like this:
"Oh no, please don't go."
"Why not?"
"Just stay with me."
"Why?"
"Because I need you."
I sit, I walk and all I am capable of doing is think of him. Through the broken glass, I see ...
"Oh, no, please don't go"-----kind of a cliche.
... memories gush through my veins and inevitably inundate my heart. ---Pretty cool! I mean, this is good writing!
Keep the verb tense the same:
I bleed d through my eyes as he stood there by the door; I saw him on the ...
Use a comma after the quoted words:
And I said to him, "Please let me go," but I look around to see that ...
Capitalize this ----> meaning of the phrase, "What doesn't...
Well, honestly, I think this is a bad idea. You write very well, so do not be discouraged! But if they say they want you to write about your choice of major or any other topic, I think it means you should write about your career plan, educational goals, etc. At least write this story in a way that ends up highlighting your educational goals at the end.
:-)
