"our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure" - FSU CARE ESSAY

Could you guys help me touch up my essay? Thanks

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure". This quote by Nelson Mandela has been the driving point of motivation in my academic life for the past few years. I know that with hard work, comes success which is why I strive to better myself every single day. My father immigrated to the United States at the age of 18 from Iran with just a hand full of cash. He immigrated to provide better opportunities, such as this program for his future family. Twenty-Five years later, he has a job that supports his family and has fit in perfectly. My mother and father have been the main point of motivation in my life. Seeing them succeed, even through economic hardships is what sparked my interest in this program. When I first heard about the Summer Bridge program I knew right off the bat that this was the right program for me. As a first-generation college student, this opportunity will allow me to more easily transition into college, meet lifelong friends, and assist me to reach my academic goals in a manner that is unique to this program. I believe I will fit in because of the common ambitions I share with the other CARE applicants. I am looking forward to meeting new students who come from different backgrounds, and share the same desire to succeed as I.

"I know that with hard work comes success, which is why I strive to better myself every day." -I wouldn't use single

I would make the part about your dad coming to the united states its own paragraph, and then elaborate more on how what he did impacts how you feel about working hard for your success.

I don't know what the prompt is, but I would also add how you will enrich the experience for others also.

Made all the changes above. Thank you.