It's was that time of the year in my school's academic calendar when students' leaders are were to be elected. As a senior and the number one contingent for the position of the president of the Students' Representative Council (S.R.C), I did well to pick my forms and submitted it just in time for scrutiny by the Electoral Commission. My forms was approved and short listed for public vetting and a presidential debate contest. The day finally came for the pubic scrutiny and presidential debate. 11 fellow students were shortlisted with me being the only science student. This was a big problem because in Ghana, science student are only geeks and not found to be associating themselves with activities of that sorts. They are either always reading their books in preparation of the next big chemistry test or taking a physics practical. My life was that plus much more. I was always the Oliver Twist in my year batch.
As the siren rung for all students to assemble for the commencement of the much awaited public scrutiny I could feel my heart in my stomach. I quickly picked by school blazer which a coat of my colours just like that of joseph of the bible. As I make my way towards the assembly hall I saw posters of most of the delegate all over the campus. The various campaign teams of the other delegates were doing their best to advertise their choice to the other students. All I could think of was, "Were is Eric", and here he was standing by my semi empty stand. Frankly the sight also brought my inner spirit down and since my parents were not in support of my intention, due to the fact that prospective medical students are not to involve themselves in student politic and other club duties. Doubt wanted to settle in but I quickly brushed it off by the mere fact that I was able to make to this crucial stage and also I had the opportunity to work with the outgoing executive in the capacity of Executive Without Portfolio (E.W.P). I made my way to the podium for the commencement of the day activities. The principal came to give the introduction speech and congratulated all of us for coming this far in the quest to serve and be trained to become future leaders to combat corruption and other unfair treatments which most leader are putting their followers through. Shortly, the outgoing president delivered his report. The aspirants were then introduced. We were each given the opportunity to read our manifesto out to the hearing of the student populace after which questions could be asked. As I wait patiently for my turn, fear of not being able to deliver the speech or not winning the election based on people perception and other factors. I just reminded myself that am into this process to define myself not to defend myself. The fact is that we have four types of "self". Thus, the real self, real other, ideal self and the ideal other. Therefore people perception do matter but I was ready to give my all. It was finally my turn to deliver the much awaited manifesto. I decided to deliver it without using the hard copy because I wrote the manifesto myself and everything on the paper was dear to my heart. After I delivered the speech I had a laudable applause from the audience than expected. I was surprise no one question my manifesto. The outgoing council had to meet to decide which student will qualify for the debate. I expected them to be fair and transparent in their decision because the council's slogan is "For Truth for Progress". I was selected and proceed to the debate round later in the afternoon. The election was done the following day which was a Saturday. During the election I casted the vote for another guy with the hop that he will also cast his vote for me. On the Monday after the election, the results were announced at the assembly ground. As they mention the number of vote casted for each person, all you could hear was "oohhhh","oooohhh"". I got curious as I was not hearing my name. Finally my name was mentioned," Desmond Mensa Jesse- 213 votes and Michael Ayi 214 votes. Michael was the guy I casted my vote for because we all in the same dormitory. All said and done I was named the vice president of the Students Representative Council (S.R.C). It was a mixed feeling at that point because that one vote I casted for Michael made the difference at the end of the day. The vote set the line between who becomes the president and the veep. But that was not what was important to be because at the end of the day I learnt to define myself and prove the whole school wrong that science student can part take in politics and even do it better. As the vice president I was known in the whole region even more than the president himself due to my active involvement in other activity on campus and also I was able to set up the iCare Fundation to cater for the needy but brilliant student. I was also very instrumental in my school getting a biogas plant and also generating other source of light to aid learning since the country is facing electrical power problem at the moment.
- ...academic calendar when students'( no need for the punctuation mark on the word "students")
- leaders are were to be elected.
- As a senior high school student and the...
- My life was just that plusand much more.
- I was always the Oliver Twist in my year batch.
- I quickly picked up myby school blazer...
-...which is a coat of my colours just like
- that of josephJosephofin the bible.
- ...another guy with the hope ( be careful with your typo ) that he...
- ...in other activity onin the campus and...
- also I was able to set up the iCare Fo undation to cater...
I made a few remarks and I hope this helps in your essay, just a quick reminder, make sure that you remember to capitalize the first letter when writing names such as Joseph. Your punctuation marks and your linking verbs also matter.
THANK YOU. BUT APART FROM THE CORRETIONS YOU MADE WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ESSAY IN GENERAL.
@Mensa, overall, I think you did a good job in writing the essay.
You were able to define and elaborate the purpose of the paper and your readers, myself to start with, is able to comprehend with the message that you were trying to send in writing this essay.
A few more reminders for you;
- practice writing, this will hone your talents in writing
- read more, it enhances your vocabulary and will definitely help you in playing with words when you write
- review the language rules, I mean I've been writing for quiet a while and believe it or not, I still consult the dictionary from time to time, looking for the meaning of the words that somehow appear strange or confusing to me or if I want to use a new word and I'm double checking if it's the right fit for my sentence and the article as a whole
- most of all, enjoy every second when you write.
I wish to see more of your writing pieces here on EF so we can work further and help you out.
Just a few tweaks with the last sentence.
I was also instrumental in establishing a biogas plant in my school. This not only enabled me to generate an alternative source of light to aid learning but also do my bit to ease the pressure of acute power shortage that the country is facing.
@justivy03 has covered all the other grammatical errors I came across while reading.
Great essay.
