this is about my common app essay. it is not yet complete and I need help on the last part
For the past 17 years, I have fallen victim to wearing the infamous scarlet letter. It stuck to me, made itself presentable to those around me, and for my primary school and secondary school years, even invoked judgment. It has made me fit the parameters for the stereotype of one ethnicity and not another, therefore, because of it, I am Indian and not Caribbean.
According to the majority of people I have encountered, I am an Indian: I get high scores on tests, I take advanced classes, I have a darker-than-tan skin tone, and I fit the facial features of an "Indian" girl (especially the nose, I've been told).
"Are you Indian?" they ask with beaming confidence.
"Nope," I reply with a sheepish smile.
Some then even have the nerve to ask, "Oh, but you're from somewhere around there, right?"
Sure, if the West Indies count as somewhere near India.
Finally, when they give up, or if they give up I should say, since after a few failed attempts some of them remain relentless in bringing to light my supposed "middle-eastern/south Asian" ethnicity, I spill the beans.
"I'm from Trinidad," I reveal.
Some immediately recognize the features, while others continue the interrogation with "What part of India is that in?"
Sigh
When the message finally reaches through, it is faced some with denial, but by all with awe.
It's always a cycle, broken down into four simplistic stages: interrogation, persistence on incorrect assumption, revelation, and then amazement.
More often than not, the once accusatory person then shows understanding.
But, why? Why is there so much misunderstanding for the majority in understanding my background?
Excluding physical features, what else would make them think I am Indian? Is it the advanced placement classes of which I am would not be considered Indian, a member of the small few, or even the only person of color?
The reason of why a plethora of people have questioned my ethnicity, I may never know, especially out of failure on my part to return interrogation. I do know however, that this confusion on the subject of my race has opened many doors, acted as a conversation piece to many people of which I never would have spoken to before. Could a common inquiry intended towards me, once negatively connotated, that once made me cringe have been a blessing in disguise?
Now, rather than dread the inevitable question of the majority, I welcome the once bothersome question. I have realized that there is more than just one way to look at a situation: perception is based on point of view. Not only has this learned concept applied to the previous situation, it teaches me to recognize seemingly unfavorable circumstances as its once-perceived opposite that can be used to my advantage, like a happy accident, creating a serendipitous situation.
Not only do others use my dubious ethnicity as their style of approach, I have learned to use it as my method of striking up a conversation as well... well, not as boldly as confidently assuming the ethnicity of another, but by using one's ethnic background as a justification for a first interaction. By doing so, I have commenced hundreds of conversations, in turn, formulating beneficial relationships with those I would have not spoken to otherwise, whether it be not spoken to sooner or at all.
Although the only listed countries on my birth certificate include the United States of America and Trinidad and Tobago, most likely for the first few seconds before an encounter with someone new, I am Indian.
a college essay can never be sassy, its called creativity, I can imagine you talking to me as if you re in front of me .
Heather, I would not really advice you to use this essay in its current form. This particular essay sounds more like you are complaining about the way other people confuse you with other identities other than your own. That is not what a central identity essay is about. A central identity essay asks you to consider the events in your life, find the one that you consider the most defining, and then write about how that particular event or situation has helped you come to terms with who you are. The person you are today, the combination of your past and present experiences, are what defines your central identity. I hope that you can revise the essay to reflect those parts of your personality.
a recurrent event of my life is the question that i am asked most "are you indian?" ... how can i make this into a great essay topic?
I have already cut out the paragraph after "But, why?..." and changed that paragraph to
But, why? Why is there so much misunderstanding for the majority in understanding my background? I have an, if proven to be true, somewhat disappointing hypothesis: It is not that I have not met the stereotypical standards society has set for Caribbean people, it is that I am a closer match to the Indian stereotypes.
i kinda have an idea to talk about how the positive indian stereotype of being hardworking and persevering in my academics, but i dont know if that is strong
One of the questions I have for you at the moment is in reference to the Scarlett Letter that you claim to wear. What letter is that? Why does it serve as a source of shame for you? Perhaps we can somehow use that as a reference point for your central identity theme? Another way of approaching the essay is to explain that even with your hyphenated roots, you still identify yourself with a particular country and heritage. You can discuss how you see yourself more as Jamaican even though others, including your documents acknowledge you as Indian. Make it appear that you have actually chosen your central identity as Jamaican for a number of personal reasons rather than the commonly known ones. Your central identity is something that you identify as and is the culmination of the combination of life experiences in your person. So if you have more Jamaican experiences, then you are indeed Jamaican. The reference to the Indian heritage can be done at the beginning where you present yourself as a person from various ethnic influences, but recognize only the influence of one upon your personal development.
the scarlet letter thing is my appearance and physical features that make people think i am Indian
I am actually Trinidadian and realize that the whole Jamaican thing needs to be taken out and that it is (somewhat) irrelevant
i tried to make my essay sound close to the one entitled "Corkscrew"
apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays/2015
this is the revision of my essay
i tried to add some humor
i am not finished with the last paragraph and may add a paragraph after
Clarify the point about the Scarlett Letter. At this point, nobody can really tell what you are referring to because you make reference to your looks and other identifying marks but you not once, clearly said that these are the features that serve to mark you. In fact, I think your essay will benefit from the deletion of the reference to the Scarlett Letter because what is happening to you is not a negative thing. People just don't realize you are Trinidadian and not Jamaican or Indian, that is not necessarily a severely negative thing when you consider the true reference the Scarlett Letter is supposed to embody. Truth be told, I do not see the development of a central identity for you in this essay. Any reference to the development of that identity seems to either have gotten lost in translation or has never existed. What you are talking about is not the development of a central identity but rather, the confusion that your identity creates for most people. What you need to do is take that confusion and then explain to the admissions officer how the very same confusion has become the source of your central identity as you have discovered that setting aside the "ethnic" identity of a person, you are just an ordinary human being, nothing more, nothing less. How people identify you does not not translate into who you are and that is what they get to learn about you as they come to know your true, central identity.
As a part of the introduction, I intended for the Scarlett letter comment to "hook" the reader, make the essay a little enticing before I present my main topic
Please explain your last sentence
It is not as whiny, nor does it seem like you are ranting in this version of the essay. It is indeed toned down in a number of major ways. Unfortunately, your central identity is still lost in the essay. There is no clear and definite understanding on your part of who you are as a person and how the confusion about your nationality has helped to shape the way that you perceive who you were, have become, and will be in the future. Time must be taken on your part to reflect upon the events that you explained in the narrative and then discuss how you have come to understand who you are and what makes you unique, even though you do not question others about why they view you in a certain manner. Only once you successfully accomplish this thorough understanding about yourself, behind your public persona, will you be able to appropriately respond to the prompt.
^ most recent revision
** i cannot tell if i flip-flop too much in my essay, especially by resurfacing the Indian comments in the conclusion**
I think this essay is good, but you definitely can rephrase your words so that it is more effective.
The first part (the interrogation) is attractive. I grinned while reading it; it's certainly enjoyable.
However, as you started to ask about why so many people misinterpreted your background, it does seem like you are complaining others. After all, complaining is really not a good way to present your argument. I think you can shift your focus a little bit: instead of complaining other people, you can criticize the effect of stereotypes. Your talent and intelligence are not evidences of your race, but your own personality.
The last part is okay. You don't really need to worry about flip-flops because it shows how your paradigm has shifted, which makes a better story.
And thank you for reviewing mine! : D
