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"Dehumanized" challenged me. UVA Supplement


trishhha 8 / 23  
Sep 26, 2011   #1
UVA Supplement Prompt for College of Arts and Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? (250 words)

Dehumanized by Mark Slouka. The title of the essay alone opens up a realm of questions in a reader's mind. The central argument of this essay concerns the deficiency of our schools' systems to adequately accommodate the humanities. In today's world, emphasis is placed solely on jobs and how strong one's "profit margins" are. The intangible value in fields such as reading and writing are ignored and everyone is instilled with a corporate mindset. This argument challenged my intentions of pursuing a career in business and allowed me reconsider how important the humanities actually are.

Through the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Virginia, I would learn the essential critical skills in the humanities so that I can learn and adapt to any job with which I am faced. The key is to learn to think creatively and become a problem solver: skills that are valued in any regard. After mastering these skills, I plan to apply to the McIntire School of Commerce in which I will be able to execute these essential skills adapted in the College of Arts and Sciences.

Slouka's central argument in this piece of art challenged and inspired me to pursue my career through another mode of education. By obtaining better reading and writing skills, my analytical skills and creativity will allow me to succeed in my career.

Word Count: 226

This is my dream school and I really want to go there to pursue business. Please critique this essay!!

Editor1010 9 / 33  
Sep 26, 2011   #2
I really didn't know how to edit your essay it truely is very good, however, you switch between past tense and present tense, you have to stick to one. Present tense being the best option :)
Editor1010 9 / 33  
Sep 28, 2011   #3
I really liked it :) well written just fix that little think I believe. Also, I really don't understand from your writing what the book was about, you should try making that more clear.

Slouka's central argument in this piece of art challenged and inspiredchallenges and inspires me to pursue my career through another mode of education. By obtaining better critical thinking skills and a global perspective, my analytical skills and creativity will allow me to succeed in my career
junex2 - / 2  
Oct 8, 2011   #4
I think this essay is a bit off topic. It asks you about the work of literature and how it challenges you, but instead of focusing on the challenging part, you seem to emphasize more about the school. It's not a why essay, it's about the challenge part. I'm not intended to be mean but hope that my advice will be helpful.
OP trishhha 8 / 23  
Oct 8, 2011   #5
Your advice was helpful! I'll try to rework this essay and maybe take the offtopics out. Thank you :)
jcar94 1 / 2  
Oct 11, 2011   #6
try to make it longer
OP trishhha 8 / 23  
Oct 11, 2011   #7
Unfortunately, the word limit is 250 words and I'm over by 90 words =/
jfrancishutch 2 / 7  
Dec 12, 2011   #8
Great essay! I'm also applying to NYU this year! Your revision seems more concise and answers the question in a better way in my opinion. Good luck!


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