I just finished writing this 10 minutes before 2009 ended... I hope that someone would give feedbacks on this. :/ Thank you in advance!
Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.
Since second grade, I have represented my class as one of their class officers. I have experienced substituting for our class adviser, acting as the "class police," and even speaking in behalf of my class in a school administrative meeting. In my second year in Student Council (SC), I ran for office in another election. Being voted as the SC Treasurer, I have stepped into a pool of opportunities.
One of those opportunities came on September 2007. I, together with my SC constituents, participated in a Democracy Camp spearheaded by University of Asia and the Pacific's Institute of Political Economy. Student government has interested me since elementary, but not until on that three-day camp when I realized how different it is in the real world of politics. As one of the guest speaker talked about deeper issues facing Philippine democracy, I have been thinking: "Would I be like those politicians in the future-politicians who are corrupt, unrepresentative, and authoritarian?" Throughout the camp, I have talked to students like me who have envisioned themselves in the real world, guiding people in a democratic nation. Since the program gave immersive training to the students, we were able to delve into profound discussions. After the camp, I went home with more insights in the critical roles of the leaders in a nation where political development has been a problem. Since then, the topic of political leadership has sparked in me.
Today, as I am in a new land, I come across different leaders from different backgrounds, each having their own political insights. Because of my experience in the camp, I have now become more aware of the leadership qualities and aspects that I portray. It is from there where I will continue my footsteps towards the world of my own leadership.
constituents
wrong word to use
but not until on that three-day camp when I realized how different it is in the real world of politics
find a different way to introduce this concept.
have been
wrong tense
profound discussions.
how profound?
Since then, the topic of political leadership has sparked in me.
sounds banal..
Good concept, but there are grammar errors and lack of sentence variation. Its okay though, keep editing !
Can you check out my NYU paragraph at the end?
