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Depression is a curious disease; McIntire essay - Overcoming depression

AmberCommerce 2 / 4 1  
Dec 26, 2013   #1
Hindsight is 20/20. What something you'd wish you'd done better?

Depression is a curious disease. You are drowning but you cannot get out. The world still tries to reach you, but you're slowly sinking to the bottom. Your mind gradually becomes asphyxiated as the sunlight fades. You stop laughing with your classmates. You cannot find the motivation to read. You lose pleasure in cooking and singing.

Depression started bringing me down in the spring of 2012 and got at its worse in the fall of 2012. It impacted my friendships, my family, my academics, my work - everything that touched me.

When you do feel something, you dissolve in tears and despair and grief. Laying on the bathroom floor one night, my face blotched and swollen, I realize I had struck bottom. I was losing my family, my grades were dire, my friendships had disintegrated - my life was not what I wanted it to be. Some part of my rational mind realized that if I did not do something quickly, I might never see the light again.

That was a turning point for me and I began to take back control of my life. I recognized that I had to withdraw and take some time off from UVa. I began working 60, 70, 80, even 90 hours a week. It allowed me to save money, but more importantly it was a way to prove myself again after having failed my family, my friends, and myself. Even though my body was constantly working, my mind was given time to reflect.

I realized that without failure I would never fully understand or appreciate success. Overcoming depression has given me greater mental strength and determination as I venture through life. So although I wish I'd performed better academically in 2012, I gained invaluable knowledge that will serve me my entire life. Being able to breath again is invigorating and empowering.

cicijolee 5 / 19 4  
Dec 26, 2013   #2
I like the part when you say "my mind was given time to reflect" and how your ending goes back to the whole drowning metaphor in the beginning too (:

I would word some things differently though, like instead of "got at its worse", maybe you could write "was at its peak". "Touched" in the next sentence is a bit non-fitting I think. Maybe another word or phrase like "everything that was a part of me"?

Finally, a big thing, I think instead of just saying that you wished you had performed better academically, you should say you had performed better in other aspects of your life as well like maintaining your friendships or trying hard to still connect with your family. To me, when you just say you wish you had gotten better grades, it sounds a bit anticlimactic and somewhat like an excuse? Not to offend or anything, but I think you should broaden your answer to what you wish you had done better rather than just making it "academics".
mlozano11 4 / 18 3  
Dec 26, 2013   #3
I agree with the previous comment about academics. I honestly do not see where you failed with academics because you briefly told the reader. You gave the reader a sob story that led to nothing. I do not see any failure with anything. I think you failed to answer the prompt because, truly, you did not tell me what you'd wish you could have done better. I don't see how your mind "reflected" either. I think giving this essay another shot will be worth it!

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