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Depression riddled teen turn college bound revolutionary! COMMON APP ESSAY


zarmona 1 / -  
Sep 17, 2016   #1
Question: Give us a time where you faced hardship and how you've overcame it.

Timid. Intimidated. Anxious. Ambitious. Confident. Dedicated. Although these words seem to be quite unlike one another, they stand regalia of the growth of my character and self esteem, the latter, thanks to Junior Air Force ROTC. Before High School, I was distraught over my varied, unwinding thoughts about myself. Many times I felt isolated, insecure from everything to how different I looked from the other students, to how I spoke. I felt misunderstood and alone, for months dispirited as I became increasingly pessimistic about life. My anxiety was taking over, putting my soul on autopilot throughout the year. Depression hit me like a hurricane, I felt like I was drowning, and I didn't know how to swim. Being a teenager could be strenuous, and middle school bullies didn't make it any less painless.

Eighth grade was suddenly over and I had a stark realization that I wouldn't have any friends going into High School, spending another four years eating by myself at the lunch table, and missing out on events like homecoming. Compelled by T.V I was under the assumption that High School was the going to be the "best four years of my life", or that I'd be strolling around the commons of my school hand in hand melodiously with my peers High School Musical style. Convinced by my parents, I begrudgingly decided to take ROTC my freshman year. Anxiety plagued throughout my body like a tumultuous inferno over my insecurities with how I would look in the navy blue service dress uniform, and what people would think of me being apart of something so opposite of cheerleading or volleyball. All my life I was surrounded by compelling images of what I was supposed to look like, who I was, and what I was supposed to be. Marching around in a statuesque like manner wasn't actually the status quo. But it didn't matter.

It turned out, I was graciously wrong, about High School, and my presumptions about ROTC, extraordinarily wrong. ROTC became my outlet to be myself, to stand strong and courageous. I received many opportunities to go on confidence courses, build public speaking skills, and lastly create relationships with other cadets. In ROTC, I learned the three Air Force core values, Integrity First; meaning to always do the right thing, even when no one else is watching, Service Before Self; exemplifying what it means to be a servant leader and vanguard for the wellbeing of others and the team, not selfishness, and Excellence In All We Do; striving for success in the best way physically possible, not aiming for mediocrity. ROTC taught me to be outspoken, whether it came to speaking up on issues I cared about, to running an entire class, or stepping up to be a leader. Through ROTC I was able to attend Girls State, where I learned the strength of women in government, stepping out of comfort zones, and lifelong friends. ROTC reignited my ability to think critically, analyze situations and find meaningful conclusions. It was through my nearly four years in the program where I was able to find a path to success in high school, continuing into college, perhaps, even for a lifetime.
angeli6778 11 / 36 16  
Sep 18, 2016   #2
"they stand regalia of the growth of my character" I'm not sure you're using the word 'regalia' correctly, as it's a noun and not an adjective. I think you mean that they are at the forefront of your growth, so reconsider your word choice here.

You don't need to capitalize 'High School' like that; 'high school' is correct.

"bullies didn't make it any less painless" should be "any less painful".

The overall essay builds a good look at you overcoming depression. However, there are grammar and syntax issues throughout your essay, so have an English teacher look at it for you. Keep up the good work :)


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