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Describe a difficult or challenging situation you have faced.

pdaka1 2 / -  
Sep 19, 2017   #1

the lesson that comes either from defeat or victory

My dream was and is to become an aerospace engineer. I have worked hard and did my best in my studies in order to achieve my dream. With such great records that lied before me, I thought "failure and defeat will never touch me." With such great enthusiasm and belief, I was unstoppable in pursuing my dreams.

In august 2016, when I was in Lusaka, Zambia, I was under shock when I received a shocking news of my mother's cancer and that she was admitted because cancer had spread in great multitude. On a whim, I travelled back home to Petauke, Zambia.

The sight of seeing mother been in pain and bad condition was the greatest wound of my life. I have never experienced such great tumour of emotions. Pain and fear polluted my mind and body. With nightmares I woke up every day of my days. I failed to study for my SAT exams I was about to write in October, November and December.

I thought for a second about all she did and what she was doing for my life and how she has being the greatest female figure of my life. I was and will always be inspired by her great deeds and hard working. She was a mother to many orphans, a husband to widows, and a mentor of this generation. She has raised many teachers, nurses, accountants and business men and women with her sweet and labour. She supported me in all area of life. She sponsored me in my education and even when I was sitting for sat tests, and she was the one who gave me monetary support.

Every morning up to late nights I would go to the hospital to visit, chat and comfort her. Weeks and weeks passed by, and when the day of writing my exams reached, I wrote my SAT exams with less readiness but great optimism.

My father was in shock upon seeing his beloved wife is such condition for a long period, and sugar disease shot to it greatest pick leaving my father unconscious, and he was admitted in hospital for two weeks, in the month of December.

When the worst day of them all came, 31st December, 2016, my mother passed away. I never celebrated New Year like other teenagers. I guise mine was with tears and great pain.

Another man's battle was my battle.
Every month that passed by, I felt victory is not the end journey of what we are fighting against but the lesson and the progress that comes either from defeat or victory is what matters the most. I guise Victory is not given but is earned, and mine was not victory nor defeat but in-between lies the results of my battle.

"The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress." - Joseph Joubert, but I rephrase the statement "The aim of hard work, or of battles of life, should not be victory, but progress." - Patson Daka.

Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Sep 19, 2017   #2
Patson, What's the prompt? is it a scholarship essay or admission essay? Sincerely, your essay is just all over the place, with no clear direction. You spent more time discussing your mother than telling us what challenges you've faced, how you overcome it and how overcoming it has contributed to shaping the person you're today.

Make a note of challenges you've faced, pick one and discuss it in detail. But if you're to stick with this one you've written, then talk more about how you had a good SAT score despite your mother illness and dismiss. Sorry for your loss bro!

And about the paraphrasing of the quote, I'll suggest you write it like this "I've always believed that the aim of hard work or battle of life should not be victory, but progress.", instead of quoting yourself.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,132 3269  
Sep 20, 2017   #3
Patson, the difficult situation is clear. However, you focused so much on your mother's illness that the essay became all about her instead of all about you. Even though your mother's situation was a difficult and challenging situation for you as you prepared for your SAT, you should have focused on how you still managed to prepare for the test under these trying circumstances. It would be better if you revise the latter half of the essay to instead, reflect how you still continued preparations for the test. Discuss how you still managed to prepare your mind, emotions, and spirit to take the test even as your mother's death was imminent. The most important part of this essay though has to do with the end result of the SAT test. The reviewer needs to know how the story ended. Okay, your mother died, did that cause you fail the test? If so, then don't use this essay. Find another challenging situation that had you instead overcoming the obstacle. As an incoming college freshman, failure is not an option. You must always show that you can manage to overcome obstacles, and grow in a sense of learning how to deal with difficult situations so that you still achieve your plans. This essay doesn't do that. Your train of thought is not clear and the presentation needs work. Hopefully my instructions will help you create a better version of the above essay. Good luck with that.

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