Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

Describe your short and long-term goals (working as a cardiologist). Related?


Lydia 6 / 13  
Jan 9, 2010   #1
Please help me make this essay better, anything like errors, suggestions. Am I on the right track here?

In life, every human being has an ambition; ambitions that are most times set extremely high and sometimes low to a point the individual can achieve it. I have always set my ambition as high as it could ever be.

All my life, I have had different ambitions one being a teacher, architecture and another being a lawyer. But my goal has becoming a cardiologist. My mother has heart issues but she has never had a heart attack. Her doctor that part of her heart is swollen and any tension or constant thinking or anything could trigger her to die. My desire to become a cardiologist is because of my mother. It upsets me to see people enduring heart diseases. I aspire to take care and better the wellbeing of people as many people with heart diseases as much as I can. I plan to major in nursing first and earn my Bachelors. I hope to acquire a job as a nurse and use the money I earn to provide for myself through medical school to become a cardiologist.

In order to achieve my long term goal, I plan to learn as much as I can to be prepared for college and I plan to graduate from high school with cum laude and attend a university that will help me achieve my goal. Another accomplishment that can help me achieve my goal is working towards receiving scholarships so I can afford my education. If I achieve these short-term goals, I will be able to achieve my long term goals of working as a cardiologist and making a positive contribution to people all over the world.
Pollic 1 / 4  
Jan 10, 2010   #2
Sorry but I'm not very good at grammer so you'll want to have someone check it!

In life, every human being has an ambition; ambitions that are at most times set extremely high and sometimes low to a point the individual can achieve it. I have always set my ambition as high as it could ever be. (confusing...try describing the individual's approach to ambitions then the type of ambition)

All my life, I have had different ambitions: I wanted to be a teacher, an arcitecture, even a lawyer one being a teacher, architecture and another being a lawyer. But my goal has becoming a cardiologist. (However, as I matured I realized I really wanted to become a cardiologist) My mother has heart issues but she has never had a heart attack ( Cut heart attack, introduce the fact that this desire springs from your expierences with your mother). Her doctor that part of her heart is swollen and any tension or constant thinking or anything could trigger her to die ( Confusing, what are you trying to say?). My desire to become a cardiologist is because of my mother. It upsets me to see people enduring heart diseases. I aspire to take care and better (consider switching) the wellbeing of people as many people with heart diseases as much as I can. I plan to major in nursing first and earn my Bachelors. I hope to acquire a job as a nurse and use the money I earn to provide for myself through medical school to become a cardiologist.

In order to achieve my long term goal, I plan to learn as much as I can to prepare for college. and I plan to graduate from high school with cum laude and attend a university that will help me achieve my goal. Will you though? Don't write unless it's true Another accomplishment that can help me achieve my goal is working towards receiving scholarships so I can afford my education. If I achieve these short-term goals, I will be able to achieve my long term goals of working as a cardiologist and making a positive contribution to people all over the world.

Overall this was a good essay! Just be sure to double check some of your word choices. Good job!
lowcal 12 / 27  
Jan 10, 2010   #3
Her doctor that part of her heart is swollen and any tension or constant thinking or anything could trigger her to die.

i think that you're missing a word in this section

I aspire to take care and better the wellbeing of people as many people with heart diseases as much as I can. I plan to major in nursing first and earn my Bachelors.

i could be wrong, but I believe that "nursing" should be capitalized since it's a profession.


Home / Undergraduate / Describe your short and long-term goals (working as a cardiologist). Related?