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Describe your notion of "the good life."

astew5 3 / 3 2  
Oct 20, 2014   #1
PROMPT: We often hear the phrase 'the good life'. In fact, the University of Florida's common course required of all undergraduate students is titled "What is the Good Life?". The concept of 'the good life' can be interpreted in many different ways depending upon the experiences, values and aspirations of each individual.

In a concise narrative, describe your notion of 'the good life'. How will your undergraduate experience at the University of Florida prepare you to live 'the good life'?

ESSAY: When we take our last moments on earth into consideration, we all hope that we may be able to reflect upon our lives and know they were well spent. It is the most pivotal goal of mankind- to live a good life. This "good life" is defined differently and specifically for each individual, of course, as everyone is unique in their values and understanding. I personally consider "the good life" to be a meaningful one. I plan to lead a worthwhile life through my devotion to helping others.

I believe a meaningful life is one lived beyond oneself, fulfilling not only one's values and desires but also those of the people within the same society. Albert Einstein once said, "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile." The good life is full of compassion and aid for others. I yearn to help the people around me, to give back to the community. As a member of Navarre High School's student government association, I design projects to benefit others. We collect clothes and canned goods for less fortunate families annually, and work towards bettering communities outside ours through organizations such as Peace Passers, which collaborates with partners to collect soccer equipment for children around the world. By taking these small steps throughout the years to help others, I have had a glimpse at a more meaningful life.

I intend to continue this idea of a worthwhile life through a career in cardiology. It is my greatest ambition to help others and to have an impact on lives with acquired medicinal skills. The idea of improving the health of various patients by providing diagnoses and prescribing treatments fills me with feelings of joy and excitement. I know by pursuing my aspired career I can live my own definition of "the good life." The University of Florida will prepare me for this good, meaningful, worthwhile life as it grants the knowledge I need to follow what I feel is my true purpose in life. <END ESSAY>

Okay this is my first time using this website! This is a VERY rough draft of my UF application essay. Please please please pick away at it! I want all the criticism and suggestions you have. It's really short, so any ideas on what else I should include/if I should write more about anything already mentioned are especially welcomed! Thanks so much!
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Oct 20, 2014   #2
I want to give you a feedback about your overall essay.
Firstly, "layout" is very important! you should divide your essay into several parts

This "good life" is defined differently and specifically for each individual, of course, as everyone is unique in their values and understanding.

secondly, if I'm not mistaken, you have double verb and for the italic words above, you do not have an object. as I can guess it more likely to be "passive voice" or you just remove "is" then it is clear.

overall, it's great essay. good luck! :)
djgvolt 3 / 4 1  
Oct 21, 2014   #3
Recognizing that this is a very new rough draft, one thing you can do to make your essay stand out is by clearly defining good life. You say it means meaningful life, but if you can take it further, and attach it to some other word (perhaps a more concrete adjective) then that will help. Also, rather than repeating the word "good life", replace it with your definition. Repetition of "good life" makes the otherwise good essay seem drab

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